Still disconnected

So 23 days after we've moved, there is still no cable, internet, or phone services at my house. Last Monday I gave Comcast a final warning to get me hooked up by the end of the week or I would stop using their service and go elsewhere. Well, after my first sentence I'm sure you can guess how that went.

We are now going to have Dishnet for cable and AT&T for phone and internet. It actually worked out well. If Comcast hadn't royally screwed up, we wouldn't be saving a ton of money! With me not working, we need to save everywhere we can. Well, thanks to Comcast being a bunch of imbecils, Jenn and I are now getting all the basic channels, plus HBO and Showtime, home phone and WIRELESS internet for $50 a month less than our Comcast service without HBO and Showtime! It's a perfect time, too because Big Love (HBO) and The L Word (Showtime) start next month. Yay!

The cable will be installed tomorrow, but the internet and phone wont be done until the 31st. At least I can start watching the news tmorrow and feel part of the world again. LOL

If I don't talk to you before then, have a happy Christmas and a great New Year's celebration!! Mr. Potato Head says Merry Christmas, too. ;-)

~Sent via email on my Samsung Blackjack~

Stupid comcast!!

So I am still without service at the new place. Comcast cant't get their act together and hook my place up properly. I placed my transfer request 3 weeks ago, my appointment was 2 weeks ago and now I'm looking at another week until I get service. I gave Comcast a deadline of Friday to get my cable installed and be 100% up and running or I am switching to AT&T's Dishnet service. I am so disconnected from the world. I have no idea what's going on anywhere or with anything or with anyone. For all I know, the world may be coming to and end and I have no clue. lol

I like not having to work. I like sleeping in everyday and not getting out of my pajamas if I don't want to. I like having the time to cook real food for dinner. I like having time to read. But I am tired of all my DVDs. I'm tired of my same old books. I'm tired of not knowing how my internet friends are doing. I'm tired of not being able to read the newspaper online. I'm tired of not being able to read CNN.com.

Not having this one extra bill for now is nice, but i need TV variety. I also missed a ton of my show episodes, including 2 finales (Dancing with the Stars and Amazing Race).

Anyway, I could go on, but I'll spare you. ;-) I hope you are all doing well.

~Sent via email on my Samsung Blackjack~

Hiya!

So Jenn and I have moved. We ran a truck load of boxes each of the last 2 Sundays, then this Monday we had help with the furniture and getting boxes up into the apartment and in the garage (a 2 car garage!!). We are over half way unpacked already. There's new furniture (book cases, tv stand, coffee table, etc) we need to buy but we have already spent $800 on new curtains, couch covers, a deep freezer, and food at Costco. With me out of a job, from this point forward, spending is limited.

We are so in love with this new place. It's 2b/2ba, has 2 patios (1 is about 8x8, the other is about 8x20) - the smaller of the 2 is in the front facing the street. The kitchen is nice and has new appliances (less than 5 years old), the tan carpet is relatively new, the ceilings are vaulted, there is a separate dining area (though we are setting it up as a reading nook), central air! lol

This is the nicest apartment we have lived in; and with the curtains we purchased, it feels like a home. Jenn has never had curtains, and I havent had them since I was 15. They make the place a lot more homey.

Things are going smoothly with the unpacking, but my only source of entertanment is our DVD collection. The cable company is having issues getting things connected, so it'll be at least another week until we have cable, internet, and phone service. So if anything important happens, send me an email - I'll get it on my phone. ;-)

When I have the rest of the boxes unpacked, I will post a pic or two of the place.

Have a good Thanksgiving tomorrow!

~Sent via email on my Samsung Blackjack~

Postcard Project

President-elect Barack Obama has made a lot of promises to the LGBTQ community. We have to make sure he follows through. What better way to do it than to send him a friendly little reminder? Here's what you do...

BUY A POSTCARD - It would be great if it had the name of your city or state on it, but feel free to get creative. Make your own, use one that you have around the house, or grab a free one at your local restaurant. Heck, why not get a bunch of different ones? The more, the better.

ADDRESS IT - A handwritten card is always best, but feel free to print out labels if you're going to send multiple cards. Here's the address...

President-elect Barack Obama
Presidential Transition Office
Kluczynski Federal Building
230 S. Dearborn St., 38th Floor
Chicago, IL 60604

WRITE A MESSAGE - A unified message would be ideal. Let's keep it focused. I recommend something like this...

Dear President-elect Obama,

Please ask Congress to repeal D.O.M.A.! All Americans should have the right to marry. Thank you in advance for advocating for the civil rights of your LGBT citizens.

SIGN YOUR NAME - There is nothing more powerful than that.

BUY POSTAGE AND DROP YOUR POSTCARD(S) IN THE MAIL - Wasn't that easy? Repeat frequently.

The image I posted of a gay ally postcard is an idea, but any postcard will do, it is the message and wording that is key.

Go to Civil Rights Front for more info on Project Postcard.




source: Queers United

Twilight!!

I am pulling it out one more time before the movie comes out Friday. I think this will be the 4th time reading it since I discovered it earlier this year.

I normally shy away from new "trends" in movies and books and did stay away from Twilight for months after he hype started, but I saw someone's YouTube video reading the first chapter aloud and i was intrigued...6 or 8 months later, i have read all 4 books in the series at least twice. Yes, I am a little obsessed. LOL

OK...time to get some reading done hehe

~Sent via email on my Samsung Blackjack~

**Edited to add** Check out how battered my copy is!! Jenn and I have read this book somewhere between 7 and 10 times. LOL.

I'm sleepy.

I woke up at 4am with really bad stomach cramps. It was just below my solar plexus (breast bone) and kind of traveled along the right side of my ribcage. The cramping was so bad that I had to sit almost upright, with one leg bent so I was kind of in a fetal position. The cramping continued all the way up until about 7am. I slept in spurts because the cramping would come and go. I did get up and have some Rolaids and drank a little bit of water, but it didn't help. I couldn't really sleep too much while sitting up and being on my back. I tried sleeping on my side, curled in a fetal position, with my hand pressing into my belly, trying to get rid of the cramping. Unfortunately that made the cramping worse.

I have no idea what caused this. I thought maybe it was gas in my abdomen, but I have no idea. I slept very poorly because of the damn cramping. I'm so tired now. I'm definitely going to bed early tonight.

(Incidently, I had some BBQ chicken and rice for dinner, nothing unusual, so I'm not sure that that's what caused my tummy ache.)

We're in the home stretch

We finally have a move date!! The old managers at Jenn's new property turned in their keys yesterday. They are finally out! This week the apartment will be cleaned, then we get to move in next Sunday and Monday. I'm so excited. Jenn finally saw the apartment today. It's 2b/2ba. That's so exciting. I will be so happy to have a second bathroom. This means no more fighting over who gets to take baths first (or in some cases at all) - we both love night time baths. There are somewhat new appliances in the kitchen (they're probably less than 5 years old, I'm guessing). There's a patio off the 2nd bedroom and a small patio off the kitchen/dining room. I cannot wait to see it.

So this week is also my last week of work. I'm off today, then have 3 days of work making Friday my last day. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. My dad gave me a heads up on a job in Walnut Creek - a new car dealership is opening soon (for the Smart Car) and is looking for all positions - office positions, sales, parts, service, etc. I qualify for office and parts, so it wouldn't hurt to put in my resume. The only hard part is that I'd have to use Jenn's car until I was able to buy one myself. This would leave her without a car. But my dad did also say that it's near the Walnut Creek BART station, so Jenn could just drop me off at the Pittsburg/Bay Point station in the mornings and pick me up at night. But that'll get worked out if I get the job. It would be a great job for me to get right now since I need to have medical insurance and the full time pay (I'm sure I'll make a minimum of $12 in any position, but more likely it'll be closer to $14 or $15).

Anyway, today I'm cleaning house and getting the last of our stuff packed up. I hate packing, but this is crunch time! Of course it doesn't help that we're having a heatwave and it feels like it's 80 degrees in the house.


In baby news - no news yet, actually. Yesterday I had a pretty bad migraine. It's been a while since I had one bad enough to completely incapacitate me, but I had to leave work early and spent the rest of the day in bed with a towel over my eyes (and a baggie of ice wrapped in it to keep my head cool). I completely expected to wake up to my period today because headaches/migraines are symptoms of my period coming the next day. I am a little crampy, but that's actually lasted a couple days.

I'm not even going to consider either side of this thing until this weekend. Today is only day 27 in my cycle - that's the earliest my period has ever come - so my period still may not even show up until as late as Tuesday (day 34 of my cycle - the longest my cycle has ever been). I think I will take an HPT on Saturday, though, if my period still hasn't shown up. But now that I've talked about it, my period will show up later this afternoon. LOL. That's just how life is for me.

Well, I've got to get back to cleaning, so think good baby thoughts for me!!

mmm...cake

and here's how they did it...

Day Care

At no great offense to anyone who puts their child in preschool, I just don't get the fascination with it.

To me, it does seem like it's glorified day care. I can understand sending a child a couple days a week for a half day so they can have interactions with kids other than their own siblings. I guess I don't understand because I was just in daycare from the time I was 6 weeks old until I went to kindergarten. And once I went to kindergarten, I did before school and after school care at the same place - that babysitter took care of anywhere between 5 and 10 kids at various age ranges (I went from an infant to a 2nd grader with this lady), so there was always social interaction whenever I was there. Plus, when we weren't outside playing (on the most awesome swing set ever!!), we were inside playing games or watching PBS (Mr Rogers, Reading Rainbow, Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock).

My parents were both working, so they had to send me somewhere, but they didn't seem overly concerned with getting me this huge "head start" with preschool where I'd learn to paint and write my name. They did that with me at home in the evenings, or I did it at the babysitter's house.

Now, I really do understand the SAHMs who want that bit of time to themselves, so they send the 3 and 4 year olds off to preschool 2 or 3 times a week for a half-day, but it's still just glorified daycare.

I'm not trying to say preschool is bad or unnecessary. Perhaps I'm just ignorant on the subject as I don't even have kids yet. So, can one of you (or all of you) explain why you do or don't send your kids to preschool? I'm honestly interested, I'm not trying to be an ass. I'm just curious if it really is beneficial or not.

Festive

I changed my background to reflect the upcoming holiday. I was afraid to change it before because I was worried I'd lose my links and such, but turns out my fears were unwarranted.

On Black Friday, instead of shopping like most other insane people, I will be changing my background to reflect something Christmassy. It'll be like my house - changing the decor for each holiday. ;o)

Repeal Prop 8

I just signed a pledge to repeal Prop 8 and I thought you might be interested in joining me and over 100,000 Courage Campaign members across California.

We have to come together right now to say that we refuse to accept a California where discrimination is enshrined in our state constitution.

Please sign the "Repeal Prop 8" pledge now and forward this to your friends as soon as possible:

http://www.couragecampaign.org/RepealProp8

Thanks!

Another repost from Queers United

Keith Olbermann's eloquent plea to the American Public regarding Proposition 8.

Hospital Visitation Rights Petition

This is a repost from queersunited.blogspot.com.


Janice Langbehn and Lisa Pond were ready to depart on a family cruise with their children when tragedy struck. Lisa collapsed and was rushed to a Miami hospital. At the hospital, Janice was told she was in an antigay state and kept from seeing her partner of 20 years. Lisa lay dying alone with her family just feet away in the next room.

We're suing the hospital on Janice's behalf. We're also calling on the next President of the United States to create a health care plan that ensures fair treatment for LGBT people and people with HIV in hospitals and health care settings.

Help Lambda Legal get 10,000 signatures on the petition!

Sign the petition for all the Janice's and Lisa's in the world!

When the moon is in the 7th house...

So today was another day off for me. I spent it watching musicals. LOL.

I started with Hairspray, then watched Rent. Currently is my favorite musical of all time - Hair.

The cats are looking at me all crazy-like because I'm singing my ass off. I can't carry a tune, so I'm sure they don't appreciate my singing. LOL.

But I'm having a good day and that's what's important.

Musicals are a great distraction for life and I need distraction now. There are aspects of my life that I just can't deal with right now...we did the insem for round 4 this week. That's all I need to be concentrating on, so I'm just relaxing and trying to make a baby. I'll deal with other things later.

Anyway...my movie is waiting for me.

Don't have full rights? Don't pay taxes!

I love Melissa Etheridge for this. Why should I be expected to pay full taxes and such when I'm not given full rights and privileges as the straight world?


You Can Forget My Taxes
by Melissa Etheridge

An Academy Award-winning and Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter.

Singer Melissa Etheridge rails against the passage of the gay-
marriage ban in California - and she won't be paying the state a dime.

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am
a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean,
roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help
me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and
I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any
other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay
my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would
just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same
rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation
thing from the history books.

Okay, cool I don't mean to get too personal here but there is a lot I
can do with the extra half a million dollars that I will be keeping
instead of handing it over to the state of California. Oh, and I am
sure Ellen will be a little excited to keep her bazillion bucks that
she pays in taxes too. Wow, come to think of it, there are quite a
few of us fortunate gay folks that will be having some extra cash
this year. What recession? We're gay! I am sure there will be a
little box on the tax forms now single, married, divorced, gay, check
here if you are gay, yeah, that's not so bad. Of course all of the
waiters and hairdressers and UPS workers and gym teachers and such,
they won't have to pay their taxes either.

Oh and too bad California, I know you were looking forward to the
revenue from all of those extra marriages. I guess you will have to
find some other way to get out of the budget trouble you are in.

...Really?

When did it become okay to legislate morality? I try to envision
someone reading that legislation "eliminates the right" and then
clicking yes. What goes through their mind? Was it the frightening
commercial where the little girl comes home and says, "Hi mom, we
learned about gays in class today" and then the mother gets that
awful worried look and the scary music plays? Do they not know anyone
who is gay? If they do, can they look them in the face and say "I
believe you do not deserve the same rights as me"? Do they think that
their children will never encounter a gay person? Do they think they
will never have to explain the 20% of us who are gay and living and
working side by side with all the citizens of California?

I got news for them, someday your child is going to come home and ask
you what a gay person is. Gay people are born everyday. You will
never legislate that away.

I know when I grew up gay was a bad word. Homo, lezzie, faggot, dyke.
Ignorance and fear ruled the day. There were so many "thems" back
then. The blacks, the poor ... you know, "them". Then there was the
immigrants. "Them." Now the them is me.

I tell myself to take a breath, okay take another one, one of the
*thems* made it to the top. Obama has been elected president. This
crazy fearful insanity will end soon. This great state and this great
country of ours will finally come to the understanding that there is
no "them". We are one. We are united. What you do to someone else you
do to yourself. That "judge not, lest ye yourself be judged" are
truthful words and not Christian rhetoric.

Today the gay citizenry of this state will pick themselves up and
dust themselves off and do what we have been doing for years. We will
get back into it. We love this state, we love this country and we are
not going to leave it. Even though we could be married in Mass. or
Conn, Canada, Holland, Spain and a handful of other countries, this
is our home. This is where we work and play and raise our families.
We will not rest until we have the full rights of any other citizen.
It is that simple, no fearful vote will ever stop us, that is not the
American way.

Come to think of it, I should get a federal tax break too...

Melissa Etheridge is an Academy Award-winning and Grammy Award-
winning singer-songwriter.

Once

I just watched Once. It arrived via Netflix a few days ago and I finally got to watching it.

I highly recommend it!! It's absolutely beautiful. If you haven't seen it, go rent it!

Now I need to get the soundtrack on iTunes.

At a loss...

I want to make a post about the passing of Prop 8, but I have no words.

I tried being positive this morning, thinking of how far we have come over the last 8 years in trying to gain equality in California. However, I can't deny the fact that there are so many ignorant and bigoted people not just in this state, but in the world.

I am incredibly sad. Sad for myself. Sad for my friends. Sad for my community. Sad for humanity.

It's truly a bitter-sweet time for me. I am so happy and hopeful for this country because Barack Obama is our president elect. I know that he has the right ideas to begin getting this country back on track. To getting America back to a place where we were admired by other countries. Back to where we were the standard of democracy and freedom. Back to where it wasn't emberassing to be an American when you left the country.

But now I'm emberassed to be a Californian.

There are already lawsuits in place to appeal the decision and people are ready to go to the Supreme Court to fight this ridiculous amendment.

I am not a second class citizen.

This battle might have been lost, but the war is far from over.




Hmm...I guess I did have words.

I believed!

He IS my president!

Had to share...

An anonymous commenter left a somewhat thought provoking comment on my "I hear you, but..." post (2 posts down) and I thought I'd share my response to his/her comment.

I'm not out to change anyone's mind about anything I might write, but I do hope to make people take pause and think about their stance on things.


Anonymous,

I am making this world a better place by trying to teach people that Hate is not a family value. I am showing people by my actions and my words that everyone deserves to be heard, that everyone is an equal person. No one is better than anyone else.

A vote No on 8 is a vote telling your fellow Americans that you are better than they are. That you are a more valued person because you have rights that I don't have and are trying to prevent me from having the same rights as you.

I fight discrimination all the time. Discrimination is NEVER right. Prop 8 is discriminatory and wrong.

I have several blogs on the internet so that I can spread the word that the LGBT community is no different than anyone else. We all bleed the same blood. We all cry the same tears.

The ability to get married is a fundamental right that EVERYONE deserves. People who vote Yes on 8 are frightened and are hiding behind their religion or other personal beliefs because we are different than they are. We are all different from each other - that's how we learn. But how is my marrying a woman different than if I were straight and wanting to marry a black man? It's not the "norm", but it's different than most of the rest of this country. Does that mean that I shouldn't have the right to marry a black man if I wanted? No. Two consenting adults should have the right to marry whomever they want.

As far as immigration - yes, there are ways to do it legally, but how many Mexicans have the $11,000 it takes to get here legally? Most Mexicans are dirt poor and want a better life for their families. That's why they want to come here. But why should it take $11,000 to do some simple paperwork? It's ridiculous, to be quite honest.

I appreciate your honest opinions. Thank you.

Vote, dammit!

I Believe. Do you Believe? Vote for Change.

i hear you, but...

I value peoples opinions and beliefs. Everyone has different opinions and beliefs on everything. It makes things interesting. I respect that and I respect people for forming their own opinions and beliefs...if they're well informed, or if they're using ALL their information on something to form their opinion, instead of picking and choosing what they want to believe.


Last night, some friends and I got into a conversation about politics. It was a wide range of topics, but one thing stuck out that bothers me greatly - the immigration issue that this country has.

I realize that illegal immigrants put a strain on our medical resources. But have you ever asked why that is? It's because they are uninsured. And why are they uninsured? Because they're undocumented. Why are they undocumented? Because they came here illegally. Why did they come here illegally? Because it's too difficult for them to get into this country. Why is it so difficult? Because white bread American leaders don't want them here.

One thing that I am sick and tired of hearing Americans say is that these illegal Mexicans are doing is stealing jobs from them. But who's saying that? Politicians and upper-class (and upper-middle-class) citizens of America. I've looked, and I don't see illegal Mexicans running Fortune 500 companies. I don't see them running for elected office. I don't see them anywhere in white collar America. So where are all these illegal Mexicans working? They're your table bussers and dishwashers. They're your maids. They're your house painters. They're your grape pickers (for that wine you love so much). They're your apple and orange pickers. They're your cooks at McDonald's, Burger King, Fuddruckers. They sell you popcicles in the summer time out of those little pushcarts with the bells on them. They do all the menial jobs that Americans don't want. Americans would rather collect Welfare or other Government Assistance than take any of those jobs. Americans are too good for those jobs, so we give them to the Mexicans who will happily work 2 and 3 jobs to send money back to Mexico so their families can afford food and clothing and put roofs over their heads.

I mean, seriously, who gave Americans the right to create our own private club and the materials to build a giant wall and a sign that says "No Mexicans Allowed"? Why not build a wall around the entire border of the USA? Let's keep Canadians out, too, while we're at it? Oh no! That's just crazy talk, right there. Canadians are cool. They say things like "aboot" and have Mounties. We'll just keep the Mexicans out because they're dirty and don't speak English.


I am just so sick of Americans thinking that they (we) are so superior. We all bleed the same blood. We all evolved from the same species of monkey (or we were all made from Adam's rib...whatever you prefer). This country was founded on the basis that people could immigrate here here and build a better life, to seek solace from the tyranny they experienced in their own home countries.


I am such a mixture of all things minority that I feel beat up on a constant basis. I'm gay. I'm Mexican (well, half). I'm a woman. I'm fat. Everyday, I read, hear, or see something that discriminates some part of me. Some of those things bother me more than others, but they all bother me in some way.

I can't wait until Wednesday and all this voting non-sense is over. This heated debate over Prop 8 in California has me exhausted. I just can't take all this hatred anymore.

Happy Halloween!

So it's the last Friday of the month and that means Critical Mass is making its way through the city. Most people are dressed up...so far I've seen -

peter pan
a german in leiderhosen
waldo
ghouls
goblins
witches
angels
demons
clowns
an LDS member (suit, tie, backpack. LOL)
bunnies
cowboys
a jazzersize group
a chicken
"mexicans"
the joker (a la Heath Ledger)
an oil drill
skunks
a sperm
abe lincoln (surprisingly, i think i saw 3)


and the best one of all:

Elliot - complete with ET in a basket!!


that was pretty damn awesome. honestly, i was kinda sad that i'm sitting home alone on halloween and i don't even get to have trick or treaters where i live. that totally made my night.

i'm awake!

so staying here by myself is turning out to be not so much fun.

i got in the bath at about 9:15 and was reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. i'm close to the end, so i stayed in the bath for quite a while. when i'm here by myself i always think i hear things in the building (day or night), and tonight was no different. i thought i heard someone in the building, but kind of passed it off as nothing, figuring i was just freaking myself out.

then at 11:35, i thought i heard the panic alarm sound (it's a very loud siren with a voice saying "burgler! burgler!" and other stuff. i bounded out of the tub (i honestly have no idea how i got out) an threw open the bathroom door. i stopped dead in my tracks with 2 cats at my feet and listened hard. silence. the alarm wasn't sounding.

it was my imagination.

i hate that about myself! i am always fearing the worst and making shit up in my head. and now i'm wide awake, adrenaline still quickly pulsing through my veins. i almost threw up with some of the let down, so i had to sit down and have a smoke and share my story.

ugh! ok. i'm gonna go back to reading my book - in bed this time - until i pass out from exhaustion.

The Sanctity of Marriage

Yes...let's "protect the sanctity of marriage" so only heterosexuals can get married...because they have such a good track record...



Zsa Zsa Gabor - 9 Husbands
Liz Taylor - 8 Husbands
Lana Turner - 8 Husbands
Mickey Rooney - 8 Wives
Robert Evans - 7 Wives
Jerry Lee Lewis - 6 Wives
Billy Bob Thornton - 5 Wives
Joan Collins - 5 Husbands
Geena Davis - 5 Husbands
William Shatner - 4 Wives
Liza Minnelli - 4 Husbands


Britney Spears - first marriage annulled after just 55 hours
Jennifer Lopez - her first marriage was just 8 months long
Nicky Hilton - also just 8 months for her first
Shannon Doherty - 5 months for one marriage, and 9 months for another
LisaMarie Pressley - married to Nicolas Cage for 3 months and 15 days
Carmen Electra - married to Dennis Rodman for 9 days before filing for divorce.


And these are just the celebrities. There are regular people out there who've been married not even a month before splitting up, and people who've married dozens of times because they haven't found the right person yet.

If you ask me, these marriages are more destructive towards the "sanctity" of marriage than homosexual couples. I mean, the divorce rate is 43%, isn't it? That doesn't seem to be saying a whole lot for marriage.

Honestly, if straight people can ruin their lives by getting married, let gay people do it, too! Why keep all that fun for yourself??

7 days left, people!!

Vow to vote NO on Proposition 8. Don't eliminate my right to marry.

i'm a silly girl

so i'm working today, as i usually do on sundays, and a couple of guys come into the building, but only one comes into the office. he inquired about storage and didn't like my price, so he went back into the garage. he and his friends hang out for a few minutes and look at the sign in log for my customers. this raises a red flag for me because they're staring at it so intently. i try to pass it off as nothing, then they go outside and hang out in front of the garage. this continues to make me nervous because they are staring into the garage.

my customer, who had been sitting in a chair outside the office, comes in and comments that those guys seemed kind of shady - like they were up to something. i agreed. i peeked outside and they were gone. a couple more minutes pass and one guy is back out front staring in the garage again. i decided to call the police.

i dialed the non-emergency line and described 2 of the men to her and that they were making me very nervous. she put out a call to have someone come by. i expected just one officer because it's just a "suspicious" call. a minute later, there are 6 cops in my garage. i told them what had happened with this guy, just like i did to the dispatcher. one officer says someone mentioned rape. i was shocked. i have no idea where that came from. that's why there were so many cops that showed up. i told them "no, no, no, no, not at all. i was just nervous because i'm here alone and they're staring into my garage and i don't know if they're staking me out or one of my customers." they said "ok, we'll keep an eye out for these guys." i thanked them and they hung out at their vehicles for a moment, seeing if this guy was coming back or not.

a few minutes later, the cops left, then one of the guys comes back and is outside again. i get up the courage (because jose, my maintenance guy, happened to come by) to poke my head out of the garage and ask if he was looking for something or someone. he was waiting for one of my other customers. i told him he had been making me nervous because he was staring into the garage. he apologized for having scared me in any way, he meant no harm. he introduced himself and shook my hand. i felt like such a nervous nelly. lol. i should have just asked up front instead of calling the cops, but this guy had guns all over his shirt and had given me a bad vibe from the start, so i don't feel entirely bad - i mean, i'm alone here, so i have to protect myself.

i called back the police and told them to cancel the call so the cops aren't still looking for this guy.

but, man, where did the dispatcher get rape from? lol. that was weird!

i'm still all jittery from the adrenaline, though. lol. i need a drink!

BFN

Well, round 3 was a Big Fat No.

This time I am disappointed. Not discouraged, though. Definitely not discouraged.

I know I said I'd stop, but...

with only 2 weeks left until voting, I can't stay silent while so many struggle with deciding what to do.

The fringe is still here

I decided to keep the fringe. I trimmed them a quarter inch, but i think i need to take them up little more. They look better without glasses but i dont have contacts at the moment. What do you think?

~Sent via email on my Samsung Blackjack~

Best Family Costume EVAR!!

So I'm catching up on all you people and I come across a triplet mom who posted a picture of her friend's husband with their triplets (the friends', not the original triplet mom...confusing, i know, but i know what i'm talking about. lol) in Halloween costumes...Dad was a bag of plain M&Ms and the triplets (about 3 years old) were blue, green, and orange M&M candies. How awesome is that?!?! I'm so stealing that idea when I have kids!

Posty McPosterson

I almost forgot to mention that i gave myself bangs lol. I had trimmed a bit of my hair a few weeks back to have a side swept bang that was long enough to tuck behind my ear...last night i cut them shorter to have a longer traditional fringe...well, they kind of take over my whole face. Lol I am torn as whether or not to trim them another half inch or just to let them grow out because bangs are a bad plan.

What do you think? Until a decision is made i will just keep them pulled to the side.

~Sent via email on my Samsung Blackjack~

haha

so this lady wanders in off the street and asks to borrow 2 AA batteries to test a discman that she might buy off someone from the street. I tell her I don't have batteries, sorry. She asks again (while I'm in the middle of telling her no, btw), so I say again "Sorry, I do not have batteries for you to borrow." She goes "But I'll pay you." So I raise my voice "I DO NOT have batteries for you to borrow!"

She gets this disgusted look on her face and was like "You don't have to be mean, I was trying to be polite." I say "Well, I repeated myself 3 times - I do not have any batteries for you to borrow." She stood there kind of stunned for 15 seconds, then says "You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. You should remember that." "Thanks," I say, and she starts walking out the door. But before she's completely out she says "You know, you're not pretty enough to be that mean."

Hahahaha What??? I'm ugly, so I should be nice to people???

Geezus, people are dumb!


Edited to add:

This song seems appropriate to this post: JoDee Messina - My Give A Damn's Busted

On the radio

This morning, our wonderful San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom was on my favorite radio station doing a short interview. He's been the pioneer in this city to legalize same sex marriage. In 2004, he opened up marriage licenses to allow same sex couples to get married. That summer, thousands of gay couples got married, only to have the courts overturn each and every one.

Earlier this year, the state Supreme Court ruled that it's unconstitutional to restrict marriage to only straight couples. Thousands more have married this year, legally. But now there's Proposition 8 on our ballot that's designed to strip our rights to get married, and of course there are commercials for both pro and con. The con commercials have spread lies - saying that if the measure doesn't pass and it remains legal for same sex couples to marry, then it will be mandatory in schools to teach children about same sex marriage and all things gay. They're using scare tactics to get people to vote Yes on the ban. They're also using Mayor Newsom's own words against him. At a rally regarding Same Sex Marriage he said it was coming "whether you like it or not."

Anyway, they were asking him about that statement and how it's being used. He said he has no regrets, but is saddened by the other camp using his words in a negative light. The DJs then took a caller named David who had some concerns about the proposition. Just to preface this, he said he is a black gay man with an 8 year old daughter. He said he's for the proposition (against gay marriage) because he doesn't want his daughter learning about being gay while she's so young. He said that being gay is an "adult lifestyle and choice". He spouted off more ignorant thoughts, but I've blocked them out. LOL. Mayor Newsom then asked if David was educated about the Civil Rights Movement and if he was OK with his daughter being taught about that. He says "Of course, it's history". So the mayor asked him if he'd be OK with his daughter being taught all history - including gay history (Stonewall). The guy kind of stuttered, so one of the DJs asked if David would be upset if a right was taken away from him because he's black. David was like "Well, yeah."

This guy just doesn't seem to understand what an ignoramus he is and I'm shocked that as a double minority (black and gay), he has such a closed minded view about rights that apply to him and he's perpetuating hate and is going to teach his child that it's not OK to be gay and that it's a choice to be gay. WTF is that about? Who chooses to be hated?

Halloween nails

Orange and black. The nail people thought I was crazy. LOL

~Sent via email on my Samsung Blackjack~

And now in baby news...

Jenn was checking Fertility Friend last night and it looks like we totally hit the nail on the head with the insem. We did the insem on Wednesday night (when I noticed my mucus was soft) and Thursday night and then on Friday I could definitely feel ovulation cramps in my left ovary. Fertility Friend said Thursday was the optimum day.

Of course I'm not trying to get my hopes up too high so I'm disappointed again, but from the start I had a good feeling about this round. I should be able to test as soon as next Friday the 24th as that's day 30 of this cycle, but, like last month, I may wait those few extra days to be sure...maybe I'll test on the 28th or 29th. We'll see.

My temp has steadily climbed over the last couple of days, too, but I'm not sure what that means. My normal temp is about 97.45 - 97.70, but Saturday and Sunday it had been in the 97.9 range. This morning it was at 98.15. So that's a good thing. Hopefully it'll stay up and indicate that I am indeed preggo by not falling...plus I'll take that darn HPT towards the end of the month, too. LOL.

Ok...so I got side tracked while writing this entry, so I'll stop now because my train of thought is gone for good. LOL.

In the news

So I read on Cnn.com just now about Chicago opening up Pride Campus - a school of about 600 students with emphasis on it being a safe-haven for gay students, though it is for all students. People are calling it, essentially, a gay school.

I, for one, am happy they are doing this. There is already Harvey Milk High School in New York that is for all students who feel harassed in regular schools, regardless of actual sexual orientation or the specific harassment. I think this is a great thing they are doing - allowing kids who might otherwise drop out or flunk out of school a healthy and safe place to continue their education and get therapy to work through the harassment issues.

Frankly, I don't see a difference in opening this school and having single sex schools. I went to an all girls high school and my brother went to an all boys high school. Overall, I think it did us each a lot of good to have a single sex education. I wasn't distracted or intimidated by boys. Classes weren't disrupted by stupid teenage boys trying to impress their girlfriends. It was a comfortable place to be. Sure, I had my own issues going on, but overall, being surrounded by people like me made school a pleasant experience.

I think every metropolitan area should have some sort of safe haven school. What I see going on around the country in hour high schools (in schools of every class - inner city, parochial, private, boarding, suburban, etc.) is not always happy and makes me want to home school my children. But maybe by the time my kids are school age there will have been improvements or I will live in an area that has a good school, not just academically, but socially as well. But even then, appearances aren't everything.

*edited to add*

Going back to the whole gay thing that started this post - I just don't understand the teaching of hate. I can understand the teaching of religious beliefs and that those beliefs don't necessarily agree that homosexuality is something that is real and needs to be accepted. But I don't understand how you teach a small child to HATE someone because they're gay while also teaching that child that God loves and Jesus saves. That's called being a hypocrite and that's just not acceptable. The Bible teaches us that we are all God's Children, does it not? It teaches us to Love Thy Neighbor, does it not?

I am so glad that my high school religion teacher (I went to Catholic school) was of an open mind and taught us that the Bible is a book of stories, written 200 years after Jesus died. He taught us to believe the principles of the stories, but never to take them at their word. He taught us that the story of Sodom and Gomorrah was a lession in how not to be a whore, but to have respect for yourself and not sleep around, not to be prostitutes. He taught us that not lying with mankind as with man meant not to sleep around, not that it meant that men couldn't sleep together. He taught us to have an open mind and an open heart. Thank you Mr. Garvin.

I *heart* NKOTB

Friday's concert was awesome! I cheered, screamed, danced, clapped, and laughed my ass off. I had almost no voice yesterday. LOL.

I wish I had brought my camera, but I've been so trained not to bring it because venues don't generally allow them, but everyone had a camera. I'm so jealous. My cell phone took crappy pics, so that was disappointing. The boys sang old and new songs, of course, and the crowd went wild the entire time. I have never been to a better concert in my life. The energy of the crowd was so freakin awesome. I want to do it again!!

I wish I'd had money to see them at the Arco arena in Sacramento, too. I heart them so much. It's really ridiculous. haha.

Lady Gaga and Natasha Beddingfield opened for them. Lady Gaga is weird. LOL I like her music, but her show was weird. She's weird. LOL. That's all I can say. If you don't know who she is, Google or Youtube her. Natasha Beddingfield is awesome live. I saw her about 3 years ago at a local radio station's summer concert in Golden Gate Park (for the locals - it was Alice's Now & Zen Fest).

I need to go to more concerts in general. They are so much fun!

All dressed up

I am all dressed up and ready to go...New Kids On The Block, here I come!

~Sent via email on my Samsung Blackjack~

It's Go Time!

So my friend R sent me some info to help me get pregnant. The info I had already read was a little different, but this one gave me more things to check and better information on OPK's. I only knew that I shouldn't use my morning pee for the OPK, but figured it'd be OK in the evening or night. WRONG! I'm supposed to use it late morning to early afternoon. I've also been watching for mucus. Well, I found it today when I peed at lunch, so I did the OPK and it showed positive!! Today's only day 15. There was no spike in my temp, either. In fact, I think it was a little lower than yesterday. Well, the OPK does show positive 24 hours before ovulation (although that website says otherwise, but today was the first day I found mucus), so maybe my temp will be higher tomorrow.

I'm excited. I'm very encouraged this time. I also think that if I do get pregnant tonight or tomorrow, my kid's first concert is going to be The New Kids on the Block. LOL. I'm seeing them Friday.

Anyway....wish me luck!!!!

I *heart* Duffy

Stepping Stone

Duffy - Stepping Stone



Warwick Avenue

Duffy - Warwick Avenue

Cycle 3 begins

We got back from Reno on Wednesday evening. Reno was fun. I wish it had lasted longer though. LOL. All vacations are like that, I think - always too short.

I was back at work yesterday and was busy as all get out. It made the day go by pretty quickly, so that was nice. It also proved to be a bit of a distraction from some news from one of my friends. She just found out she's preggo. She's been trying a little longer than me (by a couple months) and is so excited. She has wanted this for a long time. I'm very happy for her. I know she's going to be a great mom. But, of course, I am extremely jealous that it's not me.

I think there is something wrong with me and that's why I haven't gotten preggo yet. I'm ovulating way too late in my cycle - at day 19 or 20. There's not enough time for implantation. I've thought that I have been ovulating twice - once at day 13, and then again at 19, but we've only been trying at 19 because Jenn thinks that's the truer ovulation day. I'm going to start the ovulation kit on day 10 this time and see if I actually am ovulating on day 13 or not.

I have a doctor's appointment next Friday so I'll be talking to her about trying to get pregnant. She's not an OB-GYN, though, just a general practitioner, but maybe she'll have some insight or have a referral. I'm moving in about a month, though, and will have to find a new doctor anyway.

I'm really not surprised at any of this, though. I mean, I know we've only tried twice, but I have had a feeling for years that it was going to be difficult for me to get pregnant. See, when I was a teenager, my cycles were very irregular - anywhere from 28 to 40+ day cycles. That lasted until I was 22 or 23, maybe even a bit later than that. I also terminated a pregnancy when I was 18. That's more of where my worries lie - that the termination did some damage. I know the chances of that are slim, but I still worry. I feel like that's my punnishment - I terminated one life, so now I don't get to create another.

R's pregnancy does give me hope, though, as she terminated a pregnancy in the past and now she's pregnant. I'm just really ready to see a doctor and find out what I need to do to get pregnant. LOL I never thought I'd say I wanted to see the doctor, but this time I really do. I need her to give me good news and advice. In the mean time, I'm going to look up homeopathic ways to increase my fertility.

Adios

I'm off to Reno for a few days. I need it to blow off some steam and then I'll be back on track with this baby making thing. ;o)

Too awesome not to share...

On SF Gate's The Poop column today, Peter Hartlaub inquired about your favorite National Anthem performance. He listed Huey Lewis and the News, The Greatful Dead, and Chaka Khan as some of his favorite performances.

Someone named chicagobill posted this comment "...But my favorite performance of all time was at Fenway Park during a game where they were doing awareness of folks with special needs, and a teenage or young adult was to sing. Autistic, I believe. He started laughing in the middle and stopped singing a couple of times, and at a certain point, the crowd took over and sang strongly, and he sang with the crowd, and they applauded like crazy when it was done. This was brought to my attention in one of Bill Simmons's columns for ESPN -- a Yankees fan sent it in, and said it killed him to praise Boston fans, but he had to and hoped that it would go down the same way if the Yankees ever did the same thing."

The crowd's response is awesome. I had to share it.

Here's the video:

And now for something different...

....because we all need a little distraction....


* Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the next seven sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.


since i'm at work, i only have 1 book down here with me, so i only have the 1 choice:

He was no better at it than I was, so we moved safely from side to side in a tiny square formation. Edward and Esme spun around us like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

"I'm going to miss you at home, Bella. I'm already lonely."

I spoke through a tight throat, trying to make a joke of it. "I feel just horrible, leaving you to cook for yourself - it's practically criminal negligence. You could arrest me."

Right on schedule

Yesterday was day 34 of my cycle and, on queue, my period showed up this morning.

I won't lie, I'm extremely disappointed. Now, unless I have multiples or a preemie, I won't be a mom before I turn 30. I know that's not the most important thing in life, but it was kind of important to me.

As disappointed as I am that I'm not pregnant, I also know that it's partly of my own doing. There are ways I could have tried harder, things I didn't need to have done, things I didn't do that I should have. I was trying to just be laid back about the whole thing and hoped that strategy would work. I know it's only 2 tries now, but I think it's time to change that strategy. This next round will be worked at harder.

To be completely honest, I'm most disappointed in myself for not having tried harder. I have no one to blame at this stage but myself. It's OK, though. I'm not really beating myself up for it. I'm just sad. Today begins a new cycle of trying and tomorrow's another day.

It'll happen.

Its not who you love, its how...

Dork-a-licious

I made that post about sending that email to my parents. I've been waiting to hear back and have been getting more nervous because neither has responded.

I just remembered.

They're in Reno. LOL.

I won't get an answer until I get back from Reno next week. LOL. (I think my parents come back this Saturday and I'm leaving Sunday for Reno until Wednesday.)

Yeah, I kinda feel like I belong on the short bus today. lol

lol

My cat thinks he's a baby. lol

~Sent via email on my Samsung Blackjack~

Voting part II

My aunt replied to my email. She had already planned on voting No on Prop 8. Yay for her! LOL Her response was this:

"I had already decided to vote no, but thanks for your thoughts. As Roseanne once said gays should

have the opportunity to be as miserable in marriage as us. I think it was her but I thought it was

real funny."


She also sent me an email she received from a friend about a virus email going around regarding Women against Sarah Palin. In short, the email said that we, as women, should not vote for Sarah Palin because putting her in such a powerful position could turn around everything our mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers have worked for and achieved over the last 100 years. She's really the anti-feminist and we cannot afford to put her in office.

When I saw my dad last week (I had to have him rescue me when I locked my keys in my car), he told me not to vote for the McCain/Palin ticket either because of her views. I belive his words were "I hope you're not voting for Sarah Palin just because she's a woman." LOL I told him "HELL NO!"

While I know my parents have some conservative views, overall, they're very liberal. I have confidence that they believe a lot of the same things I do. It's very comforting to know that. Ultimately, my parents back me no matter what I do with my life, but it's good to know that they will also use their right to vote to help protect my rights as well as theirs.

November voting

I just sent this to my parents and my aunt. I wonder what kind of reaction I'll get.....oh, and I appologize in advance if anyone is offended by this, but it's how I feel and that's what my blog is for - to share my feelings....btw, this is just a California proposition.

I know I've never really discussed politics with you guys before, but with Absentee Ballots going out soon, I need to ask a favor.

Vote NO on Prop 8.

If there's a ban on gay marriage, there's a pretty good chance neither I nor any of my friends could ever be legally married in this state. Not only is the ban unconstitutional, it's unethical, immoral, and, quite frankly, unfair. If you all can get married, then so should every other consenting adult.

I'm not usually into politics at all, but this is something that really hits close to home with me, so I hope that you choose your vote wisely and see that the ban would never make me equal with any of you.

The want for the ban is because the religious right-wing believes that gay people are an abomination against God. They also believe that marriage is for a man and woman so they can procreate and make more hateful bible thumpers. If this second reason is true, then they shouldn't allow people to get married who have no intention of having children. But I think we all know that marriage isn't just about babies - it's about showing the world that we love someone and are commited to them completely, and for the rest of our lives. I don't believe that God belongs in our constitution or in our government. This is how we can start truly separating church from state.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

~Stacey

P.S. Vote for Obama, too!



*edit* I just want to be clear that I'm not against religion or think that all Catholics/Christians are wing-nuts that hate gay people. I am not religious, though I grew up Catholic. I don't have problem with people believing in God. Not at all. It's just not for me. Therefore, I don't want God to be the basis for things I can or cannot do. I strongly believe that there should be a true separation of Church and State and don't believe there is enough separation. Christianity is not the only religion practiced in this country, so I don't believe that it belongs in law books or anything legally telling me how to live my life.

Just a quickie

Just wanted to pop in to say there's no news yet. Tomorrow is the 30th day of my cycle and there's no sign of my period yet. No PMS symptoms either. I'm going to give it until Tuesday or Wednesday just in case this is a 34 day cycle before I do a pregnancy test.

I'm really hoping this one worked. If it did, there's an excellent chance that I'll be a mom before my birthday. I'd really like it if that happened, but I'm trying to to stress or dwell on that idea. I know I'll get pregnant in my own time. I'm just going with the flow. Obviously I'd like it to happen sooner than later, but there's no point in stressing out about it just yet.

How girly am I?

I finally got my acrylics filled Saturday night...they were almost 3 weeks overdue and the nail on my left middle finger had broken off. I got glitter tips in silver last time as a safe way to go for my first time, but this time I went a little crazy. HOT PINK with gold glitter. Lol I'm still not quite used to them but they are fun!

Whatcha think? ;-)

~Sent via email on my Samsung Blackjack~

Still sick...

So I went to the doctor again yesterday. i got a stronger antibiotic (augmentin) and a referral to an ENT specialist. My doctor is thinking that I have an undiagnosed allergy that's causing my ear infections.

I barely slept last night because it's hard to lay down on my ears. I'm so freakin tired it's not even funny. I really wish I could have called out today. I'm going to take some codeine tonight so I can sleep and be able to function at work tomorrow. I tried taking some last night, but I was only able to take a 1/2 dose since I didn't get home until about 10:30 or 11 (went to dinner with Jenn and her parents and then went to see M for another insem) and it didn't work.

I've been sick for 2.5 weeks now. It's really pretty rediculous at this point. I've called out sick more in the last 2.5 weeks than I have in the entire last 18 months. I'm so done with this crap.

Cycle 2 part 4

So tonight M is coming over to give us more of the goods. I took another OPK last night and it showed more positive than the last few days. I think this is because, looking back over the year, the pattern for this cycle is going to be 34 days, rather than 27 or 30. The OPKs up until yesterday were very light, but not completely negative. I kind of figured that the medications I've been taking for my sickness was affecting my urine. Apparently I was wrong. Thankfully I let Jenn convince me to take another OPK last night otherwise we'd be screwed for this cycle.

I think tonight's OPK is going to be super dark, indicating that I'll be ovulating within 24 hours. M will be here at 9pm, so hopefully that'll work out for us.

He and his BF are going to Nicaragua on Sunday for 2 weeks. So when they get back, we'll have an answer for them. Hopefully they'll bring us presents! LOL. j/k. I just hope I have good news for them when they get back.

work crap

have you ever been truly miserable in your job? so much so that it kills you a little bit each day that you have to get up and go to work?

yah, i hit that point a while ago, but today hit a new low. i now have a boss that truly doesn't listen to anything i say and, frankly, probably thinks i'm an idiot.

well, he already thinks i'm an idiot for wanting to quit and create a family with jenn. for that he was already on my shit list, but that was on the personal level. professionally, he pretty much gave me a "shut the fuck up and do your job" type of email. i can't work for that type of person.

i already gave my resignation stating my last day is going to be October 15, but i really wish it were sooner. unfortunately it may be longer, but, frankly, i think i'd rather be unemployed those last 2 weeks of october than stay in this shithole of a company.

i'm really kinda glad my friend april didn't get hired here. she'd probably be kicking my ass for getting her into this and making her miserable. lol.

i can honestly say that i think i would be happier had i stayed at public storage. at least there i know that i'm a monkey - i wouldn't have been fed bullshit about people listening to me if i had anything to say. i would have known my place - keep quiet and do your work. they don't lie about it there. and i was never belittled there. i was never made to feel like an idiot.

i wish i stayed at bed bath & beyond. i wish i never went to Shurgard. i wish i never met him. i wish i never fell for him. i wish i never believed his lies. had i done all that, jenn and i would be living a much happier life. and i probably would have had a baby by now. but i wasted 2 years of my life. 2 valuable years that i'll never get back. i've never felt so dumb in my life.

but now i'm determined to get my life in line and never let some stupid man (or anyone else for that matter) make me feel like i'm 2 inches tall. i'm better than that.

Cycle 2

So tonight was try #3 for cycle 2. I really am more positive about this time around than last time. That's kind of funny to say because I've been worried about my cold medicines affecting my chances, but i think I'll be OK.

We tried something new this time. We got Instead Cups to hold the "baby juice" in and right up against my cervix. That's got me thinking more positively, too.

But, this also means that it's, once again, time for the 2 week wait. This is the sucky part. But at least I know pretty much how long I need to wait. Following my cycles from the beginning of the year, this should be a 34 day cycle. Or it could be 27. In any case, I'm not going to rush things and wait until I'm close to that 34 days before I take a pregnancy test. I'm not jumping the gun and disappointing me this time.

What else has me excited is that if I do get preggo this time around, I'll be due exactly on my birthday - my 30th birthday!! My original goal has been to have a baby before I turn 30, so this will be my last chance. If it doesn't take this time, I'll be 30 before I give birth. But it's exciting none-the-less. I mean, seriously, how awesome would that be?? "Happy Birthday - here's your baby!" LOL.

Anyway, that's the update for now. I'll let you know what's happening on this front in about 12 days. ;o)

Lush

I was just thinking I was going to take a "Fruit Loop" bath and wanted to mention something to you. No, I'm not taking a bath in milk and cereal, I'm going to take a bath with a bath bomb and bath melt that smell like fruit loops when combined. LOL. (I know I mentioned it's hot out, but it'll be a cool bath so I can cool down and relax before everyone gets here for the baby making.)

Not long after I moved into San Francisco, I started frequenting a bath & body store called Lush. It's just a few blocks from my house and that has proved to be detrimental to my pocketbook. LOL.

They've got bath bombs, bath melts, bubble bath, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, face wash, etc, and they smell heavenly!! If any of you are into taking baths or using products that are gentler on skin and hair, check this place out. It's a little pricey, but each bath bomb, bubble bar, and melt can be cut up to use in more than one bath.

Cycle 2

So tonight we begin with try #2. I think we'll do an insem tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday to cover all the bases. The OPK was very light last night, so it should be nice and dark today indicating ovulation within the next 24 hours.

I'm worried about this one not taking because I'm so sick. I'm taking Robitussin, Amoxycillian, Mucinex, and Benadryl to get rid of whatever I have (head cold/chest cold/ear infection). I'm worried my body is already so busy trying to fight this that it'll fight off the little spermies, too. But I guess it won't hurt to try.

In other news, it's been hot as blazes around here. It's about 90 degrees here in downtown San Francisco. I know it's hotter up in Sacramento where some of you mamas are. Hell, my parents are probably running their A/C finally in their new house in Concord.

Ok. Totally got distracted - I'm watching Moulin Rouge. LOL. Talk to you guys later!

argh!!

no, it's not pirate day. i'm frustrated because i can't get well.

I've been sick for 11 days now. it started as a head cold. then it moved to my chest, then it was in both my head and my chest. Now there's a little left in my head and chest, but I have an infection in my left ear and my neck is sore from sleeping funny!!

I emailed my boss at 8:30 last night to tell him I was taking today off. I'm glad I did. I woke up with my eyes glued shut with yuckiness, my neck so stiff i couldn't turn it and my left ear throbbing. I loaded up on meds (benadryl, amoxycillan, mucinex, ibuprofen, and a prenatal vitamin) and am feeling a little better. My neck is more manageable, I can see (obviously), and I can breathe. My ear is the worst right now. But even with that good news, I want to cry because I'm so miserable.

But, thanks to Jenn, I get to stay home and rest. I'm currently watching tv - Inside the Actors Studio. Elton John is on. I love him. After this I think I'm going to watch Almost Famous or Moulin Rouge. I can't decide yet...then again, I could watch both. lol We'll see. But first, I must finish watching Elton John.

Not good

Yesterday was kind of a rough day for me. First off, it was the 11th anniversary of losing my one and only pregnancy. I haven't gotten sad about that for a few years, but I think it hit me kind of hard because I'm now trying for a baby. So because of that, I was already kind of sad.

And then I found out someone close to me was just diagnosed as HIV+. I've known people in the past, and know someone now who is HIV+, but this is someone I call a friend. Someone I truly care for. I am incredibly sad for him. I know he will lead the healthiest life possible and I almost bet he'll outlive me. I know he'll lead an almost perfect life. But to know that he's positive and to know that it will still take a toll on his bod makes me so mad. Not at him, of course, but at the disease. It's such a horrible, horrible disease that's completely incurable. Sure, there are meds out there that will delay the inevitable, but, ultimately, his end will not be a pleasant one.

I have told him that I loved him and that I'm here if he needs anything. He'll still be "uncle" to my babies and he'll still be the most beautiful drag queen I've ever seen. He's still J.

But I want to punch that disease in the mouth.

So now I'm going to do what I can to help fight the disease. I don't have much money, nor will I once I have babies, but I'll definitely see what I can do to volunteer at events or something. And I'll definitely be walking in next year's AIDS Walk (provided I'm not hugely pregnant).

If you have the means or the time, I urge you to do anything to help fund research to find a cure.

If you wear make up, buy MAC's Viva Glam products - all proceeds go towards the MAC AIDS Fund.

If you don't wear make up, but you have time to give, find local fund raising events and show your support.

I'd always donate money to the MAC AIDS Fund when J did charity drag shows (anywhere between $40 and $100), but now that the disease has hit so close to home, I want to take a more active role in finding a cure. Obviously I'm not a scientist so I can't find the cure, but I sure as hell can be vocal and raise awareness. The Lord knows my mouth is big enough. LOL.

Thank you for letting me vent, for reading this, and, hopefully, helping spread the word and not letting people forget about AIDS. You never know who could be diagnosed next.

I got new glasses!

I got my new glasses. I heart them.

~Sent via email~

I'm sick

I'm sick and have to work because I am training a new hire. At least i have my tea, cough drops and Pirate Kleenex!

Hiya

So I've added a bunch of people to my blog list (points to the right) that I've been meaning to read or haven't caught up on in a long time. For most of you on that list, I have already gone back and read your blogs from the very beginning. I've seen every post, every pic, and have, in some way or another, fallen in love with your family.

Admittedly, I do have favorites, but some are just so new that I don't "know" you guys yet.

Some of you might think it strange that I'm surrounding myself with multiple-baby blogs when I don't even have kids of my own yet. I think it's weird, too. Honestly, I'm fascinated with multiples (blame Jon & Kate plus 8, the Dilly's, and the McCaughey's, et al) and know that if you all can do it with 3, 4, 5 kids at a time, I can handle 1 (or 2...I'm convinced I will have twins even though they don't run in my family. LOL).

Plus, I have a feeling that getting pregnant wont' be easy for me, so I'm prematurely seeking comfort in the stories of others so I know that I'm not alone.

So I have to thank you all for opening your hearts and sharing your lives with me and so many other people. We sincerely appreciate it.

My eyes! My eyes!

So yesterday, Jenn and I had appointments to get our eyes checked and order new glasses and contacts at the Site for Sore Eyes at 5th and Market.

I am amazed at my new prescription and promise to take better care of my eyes from now on!! I haven't worn my contacts for almost a week because I've been wearing the same pair of weekly disposables for about 8 months and they're just not comfortable anymore. This was a very good thing for my appointment. I learned from the optometrist that when I wear my contacts too much, my eyes retain fluid and the corneas swell. Because I haven't worn my contacts, my eyes are pretty much "normal" and not swollen. This allowed me to have a more accurate eye exam and LOWERED my prescription!!

My last contacts were -4.5 in both eyes and my glasses were -5.0 in both eyes. my new contacts are -4.0 in both eyes and my glasses are -4.25. How awesome is that?!?! I'm also getting new contacts that "breathe" more because I am such a heavy contact wearer. And I'm so excited for my new glasses. I'll have them next Tuesday. They're still plastic frames, black and square. I can't wait to show them off!

Anyway, I'm so excited with my lower prescription. I swear that I'm really going to take care of my eyes now! I promise!

I have a crush

It's an unlikely crush, but I spent most of last night dreaming about him.

I'm talking about Michael Phelps. Yes, you read that right. I have a fatty crush on Michael Phelps. LOL. I dreamt that he was my friend and we were hanging out and for no real reason, we started holding hands while sitting on the couch watching a movie. This scene repeated a few times as though it were several days that he came over to "hang out." Then, on like the 3rd or 4th day, we kissed.

This is highly unusual because, while he is an attractive guy, he is 6 years younger than me and he has bad teeth. LOL. I am a snob when it comes to teeth. I don't like crooked teeth. They creep me out and Michael Phelps has messed up teeth. LOL. I know! I know! I'm weird. LOL.

I think this is a result of OD'ing on the Olympics.

Round 1 down...more to go...

yep, i was right..my headache yesterday was the prequel to my period. i woke up to that lovely body function this morning.

i took it surprisingly well. lol. it's ok. there's more chances to try.

the next insem is going to be between the 7th and the 9th it looks like. cross your fingers for me!

Oops

i double checked what my cycles have been since january. this is how they went:

27days, 30 days, 27 days, 30 days, 34 days, 27 days, 30 days, 27 days

and now today's day 30 of this cycle..

i think i might still not be pregnant because this morning i woke up with a minor migrane - that's always the lead-in to my period. then again, it could have been induced by the light that was streaming through the windows (our blinds are broken, so we can't completely shut out the light).

i don't know!

but i'm still waiting until at least tomorrow afternoon/evening to take another test if my period hasn't shown up yet.

hmm...i guess now that i look at the cycles, i did jump the gun with testing last night. i had too much pressure and i got impatient! lol. yeah, definitely waiting until tomorrow night for the next one.

dun-dun-dunnnnn

so i gave into peer pressure and took a pregnancy test at 8:30 tonight. i had gotten a little more anxious to see the results when i realized that my boobs were slightly swollen (the right one more so than the left) and, according to jenn, my areola were a little darker than normal.

the test was negative.

however, i still don't feel my period coming like normal. so, i'm going to wait and if i don't get my period by thursday night, i'll take another test, though i'm sure that if things come down to that i'll be preggo for sure. over the last 8 months, i've not had a cycle last longer than 32 days.

i'll keep ya posted.

it's almost time

So tomorrow is day 30 of my cycle. I usually get my period anywhere between day 27 and day 32 (though, usually, not later than day 30). I don't have any signs of my period coming. I haven't had the usual moodiness from PMS, so hopefully that's a good thing. I've had some reflux the last couple of days and on Friday and Saturday had some serious nausea. I'm waiting until tomorrow to take a PT.

Up until yesterday, I was convinced that I had gotten pregnant this first time. Now I'm having doubts. I think that's part of the whole self-preservation thing - I don't want to be disappointed when the PT comes back negative. I had been thinking that since I didn't have any real PMS symptoms but I was nauseated most of the weekend, I must be preggo. I know that disappointment is all part of the process, so I'm expecting it...but I'm also dreading it.

A friend of mine is 16 weeks pregnant right now. Yesterday she posted a belly pic on MySpace for us all to see (she lives out of state, so I haven't seen her in a very long time). Seeing that made me so insanely jealous. I think that's what started the I'm-not-actually-pregnant thought process.

Only a handful of my friends know that I'm trying for a baby. None of my family knows yet. I'm waiting to drop that bomb until I'm actually pregnant (I think I mentioned that before). When I was talking to M the other day, I told him it was going to be like coming out to my parents all over again - telling them that I'm dating Jenn (which my dad knows already), that we are going to have a baby, and that the dad is going to be involved, he's not just a donor. W-E-I-R-D! LOL But I also think that my family is just going to roll their eyes at me and go "OK." and think that this is just another crazy thing that I'm doing in my life.

Aside from my cousin who spent the last 2 years of her life as a minor in juvenile detention (well, a group home), I've been the black sheep of the family - I almost flunked out of high school, I had an older boyfriend in my late teens and got preggo and had an abortion. I shacked up with him. Then I was gay. I never went to college. I have tattoos and piercings. And now I'm gonna have a baby in a lesbian relationship and the father is a gay man. Oh the horror! LOL Whatever. I love my life and I have almost no regrets (like my Winnie the Pooh tattoo. I should have thought about that one a bit more.). I don't think my dad's concerns are going to be more than "How are you going to support it?" My mom and Grandma will have the hardest time with it, though. My brother and cousins won't care because we're all of the same generation. My aunts are very open minded. But if I am preggo now, or get preggo in the next couple of months, the announcement wont' be until Thanksgiving or Christmas anyway. If I can keep the secret that long. LOL. We'll see.

Aaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

The suspense is killing me! LOL.

It also didn't help to notice that one of my boobs looks a little large today (they NEVER swell during PMS) and someone said I looked like I was glowing. That only adds to the hope! LOL.

Ok. I'm gonna stop talking now. I'll get back to you tomorrow with the results.

*scratch*scratch*

I am super itchy!! I was at a friend's house this past weekend and got eaten alive by mosquitos. I have 2 or 3 bites on my back and 2 on my collar bone. I look like a monkey with all the scratching. LOL.

In baby news - we tried 2 insems over the weekend. Well, the first was Thursday night, the second on Sunday night. M called last night to see how I was doing. I told him "I don't feel pregnant yet!" But I'm hopeful. I know I'll get through it if it takes more than 1, 2, or 14 tries, I just want it to be sooner rather than later. I'm very impatient, you know. LOL. But we should have an answer in about a week - 10 days. Everything that I'm feeling now is just psychosomatic. I keep thinking that I don't feel well or that my sudden thirst/craving for mango iced tea must be some sort of sign. Hello, dork, it's not possible yet! LOL.

I'm just very eager. I need to calm down and let things happen at their own pace.


Oh...and work stuff has calmed down. I had a good chat with my boss and things are better for now. I don't feel like punching him in the face anymore.

i quit!

Work is seriously killing me. Even though he'll deny it, my boss is treating me unfairly. Ever since I told him I was going to leave the company when Jenn did, he's been a total jerk. He can't even be cordial.

Yesterday he and the other supervisor (who isn't my supervisor at all) ambushed me to do an audit on my store. They kept me late because they were working so slow. Normally I don't take a lunch on Sundays because it's only a 6 hour day. However, they kept me until almost 4:30, a half hour longer than I was supposed to work. Of course I claim it on my time card and make note that they were the reason there was no lunch for me for yesterday. Today I get an email from him that says that there was "food all over the desk" when they got there and had I not taken a lunch, I should have told them so I could have taken one. He then said that if I wasn't forced to work past 4pm and could have clocked out and gone home. One problem, had I done that, they would have been locked inside the building and I would have had to come downstairs to let them out on my own time. I don't think so, buddy!

I would really like to walk out right now. I've actually done that to 2 employers in the past. I have no qualms about doing it. Unfortunately I don't have anywhere to go (I work for a storage facility and live on-site). Fortunately, Jenn is going to be applying for a job and if she gets it, we'll be able to move fairly soon, and not have to wait until November when another job within the company is to open up.

I really wish I could learn to be quiet and not react to what my boss says or does. It's common knowledge that I'm leaving at some point. You'd think they would treat me with kid gloves so I don't go postal, but no. They're treating me like shit and hiding behind the facade of "well, we weren't following policy before, so you need to do things this way now." and making out all this shit I've been doing for 17 months wrong.

I've turned this facility into something truly profitable and all I get is a "good job" and a meager raise. But, ultimately, nothing they could pay me would make up for what I deal with on a day-to-day basis.

dun dun dunnnnn

So last night the deed was done. Jenn and I were hit with a fit of the sillies as we (she) did the insem. It was quite funny.

M's boyfriend came with him. Can you say awkward? He's an awkward kid anyway, but..yeah..it was weird. They weren't in the room for the insem, though. I was going to let M be in there cuz it's his kid, too, but I think I had this freaked out look on my face so he left and let me and Jenn be alone. Anyway..M's boyfriend (also M, but I'll just refer to him as M's boyfriend to keep things less confusing) was there for moral support, I think. This whole having a baby thing was a big point of contention for them. They had a pretty big fight about it because M's boyfriend (OK, MB from now on) isn't ready to be a dad (he's only 24, M is 33). M told him he isn't going to be a parent if he doesn't want to be - he'll just be dating someone who has kids. I think they've got that all sorted out, so seeing MB was confirmation that he's being supportive of M and us having kids.

Anyway...we're going to do another insem tomorrow to be sure that we hit the ovulation cycle from all angles (we would have done it tonight, too, but Jenn and I have plans). Hopefully it'll be this one cycle and that's it...probably not, though. LOL. I mean, what are the chances that you get pregnant the first time you try? I don't have the greatest luck, so I will be utterly shocked if I end up preggo this time around.

So that's that. Think good fertility vibes for us!

Round 1

So M is going to be on his way here soon. He'll be providing a specimin for us to give things a go. lol. The ovulation predictor showed positive yesterday and again today. It'll start showing a positive 24 - 48 hours before you ovulate, so tomorrow may be the actual ovulation day, not quite sure. We'll be trying tonight and again on Saturday to cover our bases.

I'm a little nervous waiting for him to get here. LOL. So Jenn and I are watching Juno. LOL.

Cross your fingers for us! I don't want to go on forever doing this. LOL. I just want to get preggo now! ;o)

impatient!

I'm such an impatient person! I also hate monotony. I'm only 2 days into the OPKs and I'm bored with them already. They're almost more disappointing than getting negative HPTs. I don't think I'm ovulating until Friday or Saturday anyway, but I figured I'd start early and watch the OPK to see when I really do ovulate. It'll be interesting. We think it's Cycle Day 19, which is Saturday. By the looks of my temperatures over the last 8 months, I thought I was ovulating twice - at CD13 and CD 19, but Jenn thought 19 was more accurate. I started the OPK at day 14 and it showed nothing, so hopefully Jenn's right.

There's also been talk now of moving to just outside Medford, OR with our friend R. She used to date Jenn and has become a very close friend of mine over the last 7 months. She's also trying to get preggo. The three of us are very fed up with the company we work for (which I'm leaving in about 5 weeks) and thought it'd be cool to go live on R's parent's "farm" in Oregon. It's a 3 bedroom house sitting on 4 acres. There's goats, feral cats, a koi pond. I've been wanting a way to start over and get away from the stresses and bad memories here. I want new memories. Happy memories.

Tonight we're going out to R's house to talk about things and just hang out. She lives about 90 miles from us, so we don't see each other that often - once a month if we're lucky. I'm excited. I really want this to work out. It'll be just us 3 girls and our kids. No drama. Just goats.

sleepy

i don't feel like going to my grandma's today, but i already promised her i'd come. i'm just so tired. i didn't sleep well last night because, as jenn and i were having dessert at max's opera cafe 5 blocks from home, we received a call that there was an alarm going off in my building. turns out there was someone inside - there were cops, he was arrested, and i was too pumped with adrenaline to sleep very well.

i am just so tired. i just want to stay home and sleep...and read twilight. lol.

but now i need to go put on my face and do something with my hair so i can get out of here.

ugh...and now i feel like i'm going to pass out from exhaustion...i'm gonna call her - i'll see her after work tomorrow instead. she'll understand.

*called* she's ok with it. she just really needs me to pull a weed from her backyard. lol.

yay...a bath and a nap are in my near future!

Nerdalicious

i have a new best friend. his name is StaplerMan!

You see, our box prices went up today, so I had to change all the signage. I put all the new signs (laminated,too!) up with the staple gun. I LOVE this damn thing! I want to staple gun everything! Unfortunately I'm out of things to staple gun to the wall. It's sad.

...

Stories like these make me want to become a social worker.

There just aren't enough social workers out there. They become overwhelmed and simply give up on some of their kids, resulting in those kids deaths. That's just unacceptable. Social workers are all these kids have because their parents neglect or abuse them. When those social workers fail them, they have nothing and no one to help them or rescue them.

Lately I've been just feeling so helpless. I want to help people - I want to help everyone around me and it kills me that I can't do that.

Why am I so nervous?

I keep watching the calender. I'm getting more and more anxious as the days go by. I think I'm going to be ovulating in about 9 - 10 days. So in 9 - 10 days I could be creating a baby. Scary! I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm immensely excited because it's what I've wanted my entire life. But I'm also afraid about actually being a good mom. I mean, you never know if you're a good mom until you've already got the kids...hell, even then you don't really know until your kids are grown. My mom probably thought she was a good mom, but I can tell you she wasn't the greatest. Often she was downright mean and cold towards me.

I really don't want to become my mother. See, my mother resented me because I was a Daddy's Girl. She once told me to my face (only a few years ago) that she cried when my brother was born, but didn't when I was born. I asked her why and she said that because she already had a girl, she was so happy to have a boy. She followed that by saying if she had my brother first, she probably wouldn't have had any more kids. What kind of person says that to their kid?

My mom always treated me indifferently. Of course she told me when I was a kid that she loved me, but I didn't have a good relationship with her ever. She's very short and rude and sarcastic in a mean way. Sometimes I catch things coming out of my mouth that sounded exactly like something she would have said. It frightens me.

My mom was also not one to get on the floor and play with the kids. That was my dad's job and he was great at it. I have so many more fond memories of my dad than I do with my mother - and my dad was the disciplinarian of the house! Along with spankings, I have memories of having fun in the pool when we went on vacations. He'd go on rides with us at theme parks, ride his bike with us at the camp grounds, he was our buddy. But he was also Dad.

Oof...I went off on a tangent there. LOL. I'm just scared and nervous and anxious. Chances are the first time won't result in a + sign on the pregnancy test (if I even have to take one), but you never know. Maybe M has SuperSperm and I get preggo right off the bat. LOL. That'd be awesome. Then again, if it doesn't happen until the next go-round, I could end up due right around my own birthday. That'd be awesome - Happy 30th Birthday, you're a Mom! LOL.

Anyway. That's my random thoughts for the day. ;o)