So I've added a bunch of people to my blog list (points to the right) that I've been meaning to read or haven't caught up on in a long time. For most of you on that list, I have already gone back and read your blogs from the very beginning. I've seen every post, every pic, and have, in some way or another, fallen in love with your family.
Admittedly, I do have favorites, but some are just so new that I don't "know" you guys yet.
Some of you might think it strange that I'm surrounding myself with multiple-baby blogs when I don't even have kids of my own yet. I think it's weird, too. Honestly, I'm fascinated with multiples (blame Jon & Kate plus 8, the Dilly's, and the McCaughey's, et al) and know that if you all can do it with 3, 4, 5 kids at a time, I can handle 1 (or 2...I'm convinced I will have twins even though they don't run in my family. LOL).
Plus, I have a feeling that getting pregnant wont' be easy for me, so I'm prematurely seeking comfort in the stories of others so I know that I'm not alone.
So I have to thank you all for opening your hearts and sharing your lives with me and so many other people. We sincerely appreciate it.
So yesterday, Jenn and I had appointments to get our eyes checked and order new glasses and contacts at the Site for Sore Eyes at 5th and Market.
I am amazed at my new prescription and promise to take better care of my eyes from now on!! I haven't worn my contacts for almost a week because I've been wearing the same pair of weekly disposables for about 8 months and they're just not comfortable anymore. This was a very good thing for my appointment. I learned from the optometrist that when I wear my contacts too much, my eyes retain fluid and the corneas swell. Because I haven't worn my contacts, my eyes are pretty much "normal" and not swollen. This allowed me to have a more accurate eye exam and LOWERED my prescription!!
My last contacts were -4.5 in both eyes and my glasses were -5.0 in both eyes. my new contacts are -4.0 in both eyes and my glasses are -4.25. How awesome is that?!?! I'm also getting new contacts that "breathe" more because I am such a heavy contact wearer. And I'm so excited for my new glasses. I'll have them next Tuesday. They're still plastic frames, black and square. I can't wait to show them off!
Anyway, I'm so excited with my lower prescription. I swear that I'm really going to take care of my eyes now! I promise!
It's an unlikely crush, but I spent most of last night dreaming about him.
I'm talking about Michael Phelps. Yes, you read that right. I have a fatty crush on Michael Phelps. LOL. I dreamt that he was my friend and we were hanging out and for no real reason, we started holding hands while sitting on the couch watching a movie. This scene repeated a few times as though it were several days that he came over to "hang out." Then, on like the 3rd or 4th day, we kissed.
This is highly unusual because, while he is an attractive guy, he is 6 years younger than me and he has bad teeth. LOL. I am a snob when it comes to teeth. I don't like crooked teeth. They creep me out and Michael Phelps has messed up teeth. LOL. I know! I know! I'm weird. LOL.
I think this is a result of OD'ing on the Olympics.
i think i might still not be pregnant because this morning i woke up with a minor migrane - that's always the lead-in to my period. then again, it could have been induced by the light that was streaming through the windows (our blinds are broken, so we can't completely shut out the light).
i don't know!
but i'm still waiting until at least tomorrow afternoon/evening to take another test if my period hasn't shown up yet.
hmm...i guess now that i look at the cycles, i did jump the gun with testing last night. i had too much pressure and i got impatient! lol. yeah, definitely waiting until tomorrow night for the next one.
so i gave into peer pressure and took a pregnancy test at 8:30 tonight. i had gotten a little more anxious to see the results when i realized that my boobs were slightly swollen (the right one more so than the left) and, according to jenn, my areola were a little darker than normal.
the test was negative.
however, i still don't feel my period coming like normal. so, i'm going to wait and if i don't get my period by thursday night, i'll take another test, though i'm sure that if things come down to that i'll be preggo for sure. over the last 8 months, i've not had a cycle last longer than 32 days.
So tomorrow is day 30 of my cycle. I usually get my period anywhere between day 27 and day 32 (though, usually, not later than day 30). I don't have any signs of my period coming. I haven't had the usual moodiness from PMS, so hopefully that's a good thing. I've had some reflux the last couple of days and on Friday and Saturday had some serious nausea. I'm waiting until tomorrow to take a PT.
Up until yesterday, I was convinced that I had gotten pregnant this first time. Now I'm having doubts. I think that's part of the whole self-preservation thing - I don't want to be disappointed when the PT comes back negative. I had been thinking that since I didn't have any real PMS symptoms but I was nauseated most of the weekend, I must be preggo. I know that disappointment is all part of the process, so I'm expecting it...but I'm also dreading it.
A friend of mine is 16 weeks pregnant right now. Yesterday she posted a belly pic on MySpace for us all to see (she lives out of state, so I haven't seen her in a very long time). Seeing that made me so insanely jealous. I think that's what started the I'm-not-actually-pregnant thought process.
Only a handful of my friends know that I'm trying for a baby. None of my family knows yet. I'm waiting to drop that bomb until I'm actually pregnant (I think I mentioned that before). When I was talking to M the other day, I told him it was going to be like coming out to my parents all over again - telling them that I'm dating Jenn (which my dad knows already), that we are going to have a baby, and that the dad is going to be involved, he's not just a donor. W-E-I-R-D! LOL But I also think that my family is just going to roll their eyes at me and go "OK." and think that this is just another crazy thing that I'm doing in my life.
Aside from my cousin who spent the last 2 years of her life as a minor in juvenile detention (well, a group home), I've been the black sheep of the family - I almost flunked out of high school, I had an older boyfriend in my late teens and got preggo and had an abortion. I shacked up with him. Then I was gay. I never went to college. I have tattoos and piercings. And now I'm gonna have a baby in a lesbian relationship and the father is a gay man. Oh the horror! LOL Whatever. I love my life and I have almost no regrets (like my Winnie the Pooh tattoo. I should have thought about that one a bit more.). I don't think my dad's concerns are going to be more than "How are you going to support it?" My mom and Grandma will have the hardest time with it, though. My brother and cousins won't care because we're all of the same generation. My aunts are very open minded. But if I am preggo now, or get preggo in the next couple of months, the announcement wont' be until Thanksgiving or Christmas anyway. If I can keep the secret that long. LOL. We'll see.
I am super itchy!! I was at a friend's house this past weekend and got eaten alive by mosquitos. I have 2 or 3 bites on my back and 2 on my collar bone. I look like a monkey with all the scratching. LOL.
In baby news - we tried 2 insems over the weekend. Well, the first was Thursday night, the second on Sunday night. M called last night to see how I was doing. I told him "I don't feel pregnant yet!" But I'm hopeful. I know I'll get through it if it takes more than 1, 2, or 14 tries, I just want it to be sooner rather than later. I'm very impatient, you know. LOL. But we should have an answer in about a week - 10 days. Everything that I'm feeling now is just psychosomatic. I keep thinking that I don't feel well or that my sudden thirst/craving for mango iced tea must be some sort of sign. Hello, dork, it's not possible yet! LOL.
I'm just very eager. I need to calm down and let things happen at their own pace.
Oh...and work stuff has calmed down. I had a good chat with my boss and things are better for now. I don't feel like punching him in the face anymore.
Work is seriously killing me. Even though he'll deny it, my boss is treating me unfairly. Ever since I told him I was going to leave the company when Jenn did, he's been a total jerk. He can't even be cordial.
Yesterday he and the other supervisor (who isn't my supervisor at all) ambushed me to do an audit on my store. They kept me late because they were working so slow. Normally I don't take a lunch on Sundays because it's only a 6 hour day. However, they kept me until almost 4:30, a half hour longer than I was supposed to work. Of course I claim it on my time card and make note that they were the reason there was no lunch for me for yesterday. Today I get an email from him that says that there was "food all over the desk" when they got there and had I not taken a lunch, I should have told them so I could have taken one. He then said that if I wasn't forced to work past 4pm and could have clocked out and gone home. One problem, had I done that, they would have been locked inside the building and I would have had to come downstairs to let them out on my own time. I don't think so, buddy!
I would really like to walk out right now. I've actually done that to 2 employers in the past. I have no qualms about doing it. Unfortunately I don't have anywhere to go (I work for a storage facility and live on-site). Fortunately, Jenn is going to be applying for a job and if she gets it, we'll be able to move fairly soon, and not have to wait until November when another job within the company is to open up.
I really wish I could learn to be quiet and not react to what my boss says or does. It's common knowledge that I'm leaving at some point. You'd think they would treat me with kid gloves so I don't go postal, but no. They're treating me like shit and hiding behind the facade of "well, we weren't following policy before, so you need to do things this way now." and making out all this shit I've been doing for 17 months wrong.
I've turned this facility into something truly profitable and all I get is a "good job" and a meager raise. But, ultimately, nothing they could pay me would make up for what I deal with on a day-to-day basis.
So last night the deed was done. Jenn and I were hit with a fit of the sillies as we (she) did the insem. It was quite funny.
M's boyfriend came with him. Can you say awkward? He's an awkward kid anyway, but..yeah..it was weird. They weren't in the room for the insem, though. I was going to let M be in there cuz it's his kid, too, but I think I had this freaked out look on my face so he left and let me and Jenn be alone. Anyway..M's boyfriend (also M, but I'll just refer to him as M's boyfriend to keep things less confusing) was there for moral support, I think. This whole having a baby thing was a big point of contention for them. They had a pretty big fight about it because M's boyfriend (OK, MB from now on) isn't ready to be a dad (he's only 24, M is 33). M told him he isn't going to be a parent if he doesn't want to be - he'll just be dating someone who has kids. I think they've got that all sorted out, so seeing MB was confirmation that he's being supportive of M and us having kids.
Anyway...we're going to do another insem tomorrow to be sure that we hit the ovulation cycle from all angles (we would have done it tonight, too, but Jenn and I have plans). Hopefully it'll be this one cycle and that's it...probably not, though. LOL. I mean, what are the chances that you get pregnant the first time you try? I don't have the greatest luck, so I will be utterly shocked if I end up preggo this time around.
So that's that. Think good fertility vibes for us!
So M is going to be on his way here soon. He'll be providing a specimin for us to give things a go. lol. The ovulation predictor showed positive yesterday and again today. It'll start showing a positive 24 - 48 hours before you ovulate, so tomorrow may be the actual ovulation day, not quite sure. We'll be trying tonight and again on Saturday to cover our bases.
I'm a little nervous waiting for him to get here. LOL. So Jenn and I are watching Juno. LOL.
Cross your fingers for us! I don't want to go on forever doing this. LOL. I just want to get preggo now! ;o)
I'm such an impatient person! I also hate monotony. I'm only 2 days into the OPKs and I'm bored with them already. They're almost more disappointing than getting negative HPTs. I don't think I'm ovulating until Friday or Saturday anyway, but I figured I'd start early and watch the OPK to see when I really do ovulate. It'll be interesting. We think it's Cycle Day 19, which is Saturday. By the looks of my temperatures over the last 8 months, I thought I was ovulating twice - at CD13 and CD 19, but Jenn thought 19 was more accurate. I started the OPK at day 14 and it showed nothing, so hopefully Jenn's right.
There's also been talk now of moving to just outside Medford, OR with our friend R. She used to date Jenn and has become a very close friend of mine over the last 7 months. She's also trying to get preggo. The three of us are very fed up with the company we work for (which I'm leaving in about 5 weeks) and thought it'd be cool to go live on R's parent's "farm" in Oregon. It's a 3 bedroom house sitting on 4 acres. There's goats, feral cats, a koi pond. I've been wanting a way to start over and get away from the stresses and bad memories here. I want new memories. Happy memories.
Tonight we're going out to R's house to talk about things and just hang out. She lives about 90 miles from us, so we don't see each other that often - once a month if we're lucky. I'm excited. I really want this to work out. It'll be just us 3 girls and our kids. No drama. Just goats.
i don't feel like going to my grandma's today, but i already promised her i'd come. i'm just so tired. i didn't sleep well last night because, as jenn and i were having dessert at max's opera cafe 5 blocks from home, we received a call that there was an alarm going off in my building. turns out there was someone inside - there were cops, he was arrested, and i was too pumped with adrenaline to sleep very well.
i am just so tired. i just want to stay home and sleep...and read twilight. lol.
but now i need to go put on my face and do something with my hair so i can get out of here.
ugh...and now i feel like i'm going to pass out from exhaustion...i'm gonna call her - i'll see her after work tomorrow instead. she'll understand.
*called* she's ok with it. she just really needs me to pull a weed from her backyard. lol.
You see, our box prices went up today, so I had to change all the signage. I put all the new signs (laminated,too!) up with the staple gun. I LOVE this damn thing! I want to staple gun everything! Unfortunately I'm out of things to staple gun to the wall. It's sad.
I'm a recently-turned-30-something-who's-starting-life-over-and-has-no-idea-where-I'm-going-or-what-I'm-doing. This blog has changed its purpose several times in the year or so since I've started it, but it's all just the journey of my life. I don't know where the journey's taking me, but it's an interesting ride.
All thoughts and opinions expressed in this blog are solely mine. I do not represent anyone but myself. I tend to get long winded and very opinionated. I don't mean to offend anyone and, in fact, try to go to great lengths to not offend people, but it's usually unavoidable. My apologies in advance.