Cycle 9....it's not good news...

so..yeah..still not pregnant. i guess that spotting i had was just a fluke. i really don't have much to say about it, but i did send miguel the following email. i feel a lot better after having voiced my thoughts.

Hi Honey.

Sorry to contact you this way, but I don't have your regular email and it's too long to text (and I'm horrible on the phone). lol So...my period showed up this morning. I think I want to take a little break. Since my birthday is next month, I want to take the month off so that I can have a crazy, drunk time for my 30th without worrying about the consequences of not conceiving after having tried the week before.

I think this will also give us all some time to get our heads clear and back in the game. When we start again, I really think that we need to be more aggressive. I'm gonna try to get those IUI instruments to help. I'm going to try to get Jenn to quit smoking so I can quit, too. And I need you to be there when I need you. If you're going to be out of town when I let you k now it's time, you need to tell me - it hurts my feelings when you just don't show up and don't call or anything. I'm not expecting you to rearrange your life for this baby-making stuff, just keep me informed so we can rearrange the baby-making schedule around other stuff.

I know you're probably frustrated. So am I. I never imagined this would take so long. The monthly disappointment is almost too much for me to bear, but I know it's not the end of the world, either. We'll get there. In the grand scheme of things, trying for 9 or 10 months isn't really that long. I'm trying to be patient, as I'm sure we all are, but it's hard. We'll get there.


I'll talk to you soon! Love you!

~Stacey


hopefully i'll get a positive response.

Cycle 8

I never really got a true positive on my OPKs, but we're gonna give it a go tomorrow since today was the darkest the tests have been the last 5 or 6 days. I think I need to change kits. We got the Clear Blue monitor from a friend of Miguel's, but the testing pieces are $50 for a 10 day supply. That's just not in our budget right now. I'll have to look at Walmart and Walgreens for a different type of test than what we've been using next month, if it comes to it.

I just want to hurry up and be pregnant. Now that we're actively trying, every time Aunt Flow shows up, it's heartbreaking. Again, I find myself wishing that I were straight and could just have sex everyday, twice a day until I got pregnant. Then I'd know I did absolutely everything possible and couldn't have missed my ovulation. That would take all the clinical-ness out of it. Or even if Miguel lived closer to us (he's a good 30 - 40 minutes away), I'd see him more often to try more. Unfortunately I feel like he's being inconvenienced by having to come here and give us his sample. There are several months where I asked him to come by a third day in a row and he just didn't show up. I did tell him that I am more than willing to drive out to his house, so I hope he takes me up on that if he's not up to driving out here.

So that's where we're at with that.

BFN

Well, round 3 was a Big Fat No.

This time I am disappointed. Not discouraged, though. Definitely not discouraged.