Adventures are a-comin!

So this is the year of adventures! I'm creating my own fun.

Adventure number 1 is in the works: A roadtrip to L.A. to see Brandy next month. I'll be going down on a Friday and come home Sunday. I'm so excited!! I've never gone so far by myself. I've only driven 2 hours alone. This will be fun. I already ordered a car charger for my iphone. LOL. My dad has offered me the use of his car for the trip because it'll go faster and use less gas than the truck. LOL.

I wish I'd have time to see my other friends like Tiffany, the Dans, and meet Tammie (one of my fake internet friends). But I think they'll have to wait for another trip. I haven't seen Brandy in about 2 years I think. And she was only 25 or 30 miles from me the whole time we've known each other! LOL.

I'm also starting to plan my next adventure...Vegas in June. I haven't seen Joyce in I don't even remember how many years. I may rent a car for that one, but I'll save up my PTO and I should get another bonus paid out in April. I make my last car payment to my dad in May, and will have all my money to myself starting in June.

I'm so excited for this year. You have no idea! I'm sure I'll have plenty of mini adventures, and the big ones will be few and far between, but there will be adventures! =o)

I've decided that I need to fly on a plane this year. I just don't know where the funds will come from or where I'll go yet, but I'm going to fly on a plane!

Life & Death

So the last week has been really rough.

Carl's services were beautiful. There was a rosary on Thursday night and mass & gravesite service on Friday morning. My dad was a pall bearer. I can't go into details without getting weepy, but throughout the tears, there was also some laughter.

This last week has had me almost in a tailspin. I've known Carl my entire life. He was my dad's best friend. His girls were like my cousins. We went on trips together. His death has me fearing for my own dad's life. I have always been afraid of my dad dying. I don't know how I'll get through it when he does die, but after losing Carl, the possibility of my dad (or, really, anyone else close to me) dying has consumed my thoughts.

I don't think of these things consciously, they just take over when I don't have anything to focus on. My mind starts to wander and all of a sudden, I'm imagining the phone call I'll get or begin to eulogize my dad and start tearing up. Of course I immediately change my thoughts when I realize where my mind is going, but I hate that my mind's going there in the first place.

Ugh. Death is so hard.

The last funeral I went to was 15 years ago, for my cousin John. It was a short chapel service at the funeral home, then the graveside service at the military cemetery. Carl's service was a 2 day event and it just drained me. Because we were so close with the Rath family, we saw more than I think we really needed to see. I've never experienced such grief first hand, much less second hand, until now. I think experiencing that grief exaggerated my own and brought forth all this anxiety that had laid dormant.

Ok...I have to get off this subject for now...but, yeah...death sucks.

Family and death

My dad called about an hour and a half ago. I had an odd feeling when he called because it's a Monday and I couldn't think of any reason why he'd need to call. Well, he did have a reason and it wasn't a good one. His best friend Carl died of a heart attack yesterday. He died alone, in his car, a block from home. A stranger found him and called 911. By the time emergency crews got there, he was gone.

I'd always considered Carl my uncle. He'd been friends with my dad for much longer than I've been alive. We've done family vacations with Carl, his wife, and their 2 daughters (both not much younger than me). I was on a bowling team with my dad and Carl for about 4 or 5 years. I remember finding his obsession with The Beatles to be kinda funny.

I last saw Carl on Opening Day at AT&T Park with my dad, brother, and my dad's other friend John. It was good to see everyone that day, especially Carl. I hadn't seen him since I moved out of my parents house 5 years ago and stopped bowling with my dad.

Carl is the first close family member I've lost since my great-grandmother died when I was 12. I'd pretty much forgotten what loss like this feels like. It's hard to comprehend that I'll never see him again. He was so young - the same age as my dad, in his mid-50's. And such a funny guy.

His wife, Paula, is beside herself. My dad says she's really kind of lost. She lost her husband and best friend. Both of their kids aren't home anymore - the youngest is in college, but at least she's only in Sonoma, so she's not that far away, and the other is married and teaching in southern California. I can't think of Paula ever being without Carl. They're two peas in a pod. I cannot imagine the anguish she's feeling right now. But I will pray that God gives her strength. I know she's going to need it.

There's a rosary on Thursday night and the funeral is Friday. My dad's going to be a pallbearer. I'm going to find coverage for Friday's shift so I can be there. I can't even imagine not going.

In any case, be sure to hold your loved ones close and tell them you love them everyday. You never know if it's the last time you'll see them.

Stress!!

My dad called today. He got laid off from his job. He worked at a Chrysler dealer, in their service & parts department. They all thought they were safe since they were part of a corporation with Sonic (not the restaurant chain) who owns other dealers as well as Infineon Raceway (formerly Sears Point).

My parents bought a house last year and have a large mortgage. Thankfully my brother, who still lives with them, works full time and has good income so he can help out. As soon as I'm home from Oregon, I'm seriously looking for something full time so I can funnel my money towards my parents if need be. I mean, with the job market the way it is, who knows how long it might be until my dad finds a job. Who knows how long it'll be until I find a job?

This really sucks. I smoked twice today because of it (I've been trying to quit cold turkey since being in Oregon, but have had 3 cigs in 3 days...not bad, really). It's stressful worrying about them. I'm sure they'll be fine, but still, I worry. I've seen so many other people lose their homes because of this damn economy, I don't want that for my parents.

If you're the praying type, please throw them in your prayer list. I'd really appreciate it.

Opening Day at AT&T Park

So last week my dad called and asked if I was busy on Tuesday, the 7th. I told him of course I wasn't, I don't work. LOL. So he invited me to the Giants season opener. Through a series schedule changes between him and a couple of coworkers, he got the 7th off without even really knowing it was Opening Day. When he realized it, my mom got him tickets for the game (She works for Levi Strauss and can get tickets for free because they have a section of seating just for employees - it's directly above right field...conveniently called Levi's Landing.).

There were 6 tickets, so my dad also invited his best friend Carl (whom he's known longer than I've been alive), another friend named John that he's known for about 7 or 8 years, and my brother. We ended up having an extra ticket, but we kept it so we had some extra room (the seating in the Landing is benches, not regular seats, so we got some extra butt room...turns out it was very needed. lol.)

So my I met my dad at his house in Concord at 9:30, then we hopped on BART to get downtown. Once downtown, we walked through a little bit of rain towards the stadium. We stopped at the Gordon Biersch brewery for a morning snack and a couple of beers. LOL. It was just after 11am. lol.





We got to the stadium just after 12pm and met up with Carl, then hung out waiting for John. My brother had his ticket already, so we'd meet him inside.

This was our view:




Since it had been raining, they coverd up the infield with a tarp to preserve it. At the begining of the game, some of us were worried that we'd end up with a rain delay or a cancellation because of the rain. Aside from a light drizzle for 5 minutes after we entered the stadium, the rain stopped for the day.





Taylor Hicks was on hand to sing the National Anthem. He's in town doing Grease, so I guess the Giants figured they'd just borrow him for the morning. LOL. A giant flag was also pulled across the entire field by volunteers:





Captain "Sully" Sullenberger was also at the game to throw out the first pitch. He's a local (lives in Danville), so I thought that was way cool that they asked him to come out. You'd think he'd have been invited to do the Yankee's game. LOL.

Then the players came out...I could practically touch Randy Winn in right field. Well, not quite since I was like 3 stories up, but it was pretty cool!






I snuck a picture of the boys because I didn't figure they'd be up for a photo shoot. LOL.

From the far end, to the front is my dad, John, Carl, and Mike (my brother).




And, of course, the obligatory self portrait. lol




That was already after 3 beers and a foot-long bratwurst. I *heart* stadium food. LOL.

The game was pretty cool. It was kind of a roller coaster in pace. The first inning was exciting and flew by...the next couple were slow as hell...then things picked up again as more runs were scored..then it slowed down, then the last inning picked up again.

This was the first game I've attended in a long time where the Giants actually won. LOL. I'd convinced myself that I was bad luck for the team. But the Giants spanked the Brewers - 10 to 6. Not too shabby. LOL.

After the game, everyone went their separate ways, Mike, Dad and I hopped in a cab to get to my brother's work to pick up his car and head home. My brother drives like a cabbie, but scares me more than a real cabbie. LOL. I hate the way he drives. Most people aren't agressive enough and he's TOO agressive. LOL. Anyway, we got back to their house and my mom had dinner ready for us - Soy sauce and garlic marinated salmon with rice and broccoli. One of my favorite meals. SOOOO yummy!!!

Then I came home and watched American Idol....I fell in love with Adam Lambert just a little bit more. Yes, I realize he's gay. I don't care. LOL.

If you read the whole post...thanks! I'm not usually this verbose, but I had an awesome time and wanted to share.

A truck and new hair!

My dad and brother came by after work today to drop off my dad's truck and have some dinner. My dad has an awesome truck that I'm absolutely in love with. It's an '87 Chevy short bed, step side pick up truck. It's canary yellow. It has Flowmaster exhaust. It's loud. It's awesome!! (I'll take a pic tomorrow!!)

My dad's leaving his truck with me for an indefinite length of time. My parents are going to Vegas for a week starting Saturday for a bowling tournament that my dad's in. Lucky bastards are getting to use my uncle's time share and only have to pay $140 for the whole week!! Anyway, they brought me my dad's truck so that my brother can park in the garage and won't have to worry about moving the truck. (My dad's truck and my brother's car live outside - my mom's Tahoe lives in the garage, but they're driving that to Vegas.) So, in the mean time, I get to drive the truck at my will. Trust me. I'll be taking that baby everywhere I can for as long as I have it!!

At dinner, my dad gave me permission to drive it to Oregon in June when I visit my friend Riki. She's having a baby and asked that I come stay with her after the baby's born. Her parents are going to be there for the first week, then I'll be there for about 10 days. I won't get there very fast, but I'll have a nice, long roadtrip in my favorite vehicle. And we'll save $350 on airfare since I'm no longer flying....then again, I'll spend $150 in gas to get it up there and back, but still..wayyy cheaper!!

I just hope it's not too hot because that truck doesn't have A/C. LOL. And now I really need to get the big iPod for my birthday for the long trip.


Oh...and I dyed my hair finally....after 4 months I no longer have roots! I went dark. Very dark. I'll take pics tomorrow. I can't call myself a redhead anymore. LOL. After 2 years, it's kinda weird, but I'll get used to it. LOL

a little history

this started out as a reply to a friend's post about her family, but i thought i'd just post it here...i kind of went on a tangent and it became unrelated to the post, but i wanted to save these words and not let them go back into the cosmic void.


my dad was raised with alcoholic parents who both died before he was 13. then he lived with an alcoholic aunt and grandfather, the latter of whom molested my dad's little sister. my dad's older brother died when he was 24 of heart disease. my dad's sister tried to fix her life - she got married and had 2 kids - but, in the end, things got to be too much for her and she killed herself. my dad got married at 17, pretty much by force because he got his gf pregnat. he was divorced by 23.

by the time i came along (when my dad was 27 and he'd been married my mom for 2 years), my dad was a well adjusted guy. he didn't want the same for me (or for his other kid that came before me - he did the best he could, but it didn't work out). my dad came from bad, bad history, but he made the decision not to be that way. i have issues because of my mom being evil to me when i was a kid, but that's just cuz she didn't want a daughter. but my dad was amazing.

my dad made me feel loved. my dad wasn't his parents. my dad taught me that liquor was something to be savored and not drunk in mass quantities everyday. my dad taught me to be tough and not to take shit from anyone. my dad stopped the cycle. my dad's one of the smartest people i know.

i don't tell him often enough, but i love him with every cell in my being. my world will stop spinning the day i lose him. but because he chose to not be his parents, i know he's going to be around for a long time and allow my future children to have him in their lives. since i was cheated out of a set of grandparents, i'm looking forward to my kids having a gaggle of them.

i know women always say that they hope to never be their mother when they have kids. i hope that, too, because i want to be my dad.