Friday, September 26, 2008


I'm off to Reno for a few days. I need it to blow off some steam and then I'll be back on track with this baby making thing. ;o)

Too awesome not to share...

On SF Gate's The Poop column today, Peter Hartlaub inquired about your favorite National Anthem performance. He listed Huey Lewis and the News, The Greatful Dead, and Chaka Khan as some of his favorite performances.

Someone named chicagobill posted this comment "...But my favorite performance of all time was at Fenway Park during a game where they were doing awareness of folks with special needs, and a teenage or young adult was to sing. Autistic, I believe. He started laughing in the middle and stopped singing a couple of times, and at a certain point, the crowd took over and sang strongly, and he sang with the crowd, and they applauded like crazy when it was done. This was brought to my attention in one of Bill Simmons's columns for ESPN -- a Yankees fan sent it in, and said it killed him to praise Boston fans, but he had to and hoped that it would go down the same way if the Yankees ever did the same thing."

The crowd's response is awesome. I had to share it.

Here's the video:

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

And now for something different...

....because we all need a little distraction....

* Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the next seven sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

since i'm at work, i only have 1 book down here with me, so i only have the 1 choice:

He was no better at it than I was, so we moved safely from side to side in a tiny square formation. Edward and Esme spun around us like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

"I'm going to miss you at home, Bella. I'm already lonely."

I spoke through a tight throat, trying to make a joke of it. "I feel just horrible, leaving you to cook for yourself - it's practically criminal negligence. You could arrest me."

Right on schedule

Yesterday was day 34 of my cycle and, on queue, my period showed up this morning.

I won't lie, I'm extremely disappointed. Now, unless I have multiples or a preemie, I won't be a mom before I turn 30. I know that's not the most important thing in life, but it was kind of important to me.

As disappointed as I am that I'm not pregnant, I also know that it's partly of my own doing. There are ways I could have tried harder, things I didn't need to have done, things I didn't do that I should have. I was trying to just be laid back about the whole thing and hoped that strategy would work. I know it's only 2 tries now, but I think it's time to change that strategy. This next round will be worked at harder.

To be completely honest, I'm most disappointed in myself for not having tried harder. I have no one to blame at this stage but myself. It's OK, though. I'm not really beating myself up for it. I'm just sad. Today begins a new cycle of trying and tomorrow's another day.

It'll happen.

Monday, September 22, 2008


I made that post about sending that email to my parents. I've been waiting to hear back and have been getting more nervous because neither has responded.

I just remembered.

They're in Reno. LOL.

I won't get an answer until I get back from Reno next week. LOL. (I think my parents come back this Saturday and I'm leaving Sunday for Reno until Wednesday.)

Yeah, I kinda feel like I belong on the short bus today. lol

Sunday, September 21, 2008


My cat thinks he's a baby. lol

~Sent via email on my Samsung Blackjack~

Voting part II

My aunt replied to my email. She had already planned on voting No on Prop 8. Yay for her! LOL Her response was this:

"I had already decided to vote no, but thanks for your thoughts. As Roseanne once said gays should
have the opportunity to be as miserable in marriage as us. I think it was her but I thought it was
real funny."

She also sent me an email she received from a friend about a virus email going around regarding Women against Sarah Palin. In short, the email said that we, as women, should not vote for Sarah Palin because putting her in such a powerful position could turn around everything our mothers, grandmothers and great-grandmothers have worked for and achieved over the last 100 years. She's really the anti-feminist and we cannot afford to put her in office.

When I saw my dad last week (I had to have him rescue me when I locked my keys in my car), he told me not to vote for the McCain/Palin ticket either because of her views. I belive his words were "I hope you're not voting for Sarah Palin just because she's a woman." LOL I told him "HELL NO!"

While I know my parents have some conservative views, overall, they're very liberal. I have confidence that they believe a lot of the same things I do. It's very comforting to know that. Ultimately, my parents back me no matter what I do with my life, but it's good to know that they will also use their right to vote to help protect my rights as well as theirs.

Friday, September 19, 2008

November voting

I just sent this to my parents and my aunt. I wonder what kind of reaction I'll get.....oh, and I appologize in advance if anyone is offended by this, but it's how I feel and that's what my blog is for - to share my feelings....btw, this is just a California proposition.

I know I've never really discussed politics with you guys before, but with Absentee Ballots going out soon, I need to ask a favor.

Vote NO on Prop 8.

If there's a ban on gay marriage, there's a pretty good chance neither I nor any of my friends could ever be legally married in this state. Not only is the ban unconstitutional, it's unethical, immoral, and, quite frankly, unfair. If you all can get married, then so should every other consenting adult.

I'm not usually into politics at all, but this is something that really hits close to home with me, so I hope that you choose your vote wisely and see that the ban would never make me equal with any of you.

The want for the ban is because the religious right-wing believes that gay people are an abomination against God. They also believe that marriage is for a man and woman so they can procreate and make more hateful bible thumpers. If this second reason is true, then they shouldn't allow people to get married who have no intention of having children. But I think we all know that marriage isn't just about babies - it's about showing the world that we love someone and are commited to them completely, and for the rest of our lives. I don't believe that God belongs in our constitution or in our government. This is how we can start truly separating church from state.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.


P.S. Vote for Obama, too!

*edit* I just want to be clear that I'm not against religion or think that all Catholics/Christians are wing-nuts that hate gay people. I am not religious, though I grew up Catholic. I don't have problem with people believing in God. Not at all. It's just not for me. Therefore, I don't want God to be the basis for things I can or cannot do. I strongly believe that there should be a true separation of Church and State and don't believe there is enough separation. Christianity is not the only religion practiced in this country, so I don't believe that it belongs in law books or anything legally telling me how to live my life.

Just a quickie

Just wanted to pop in to say there's no news yet. Tomorrow is the 30th day of my cycle and there's no sign of my period yet. No PMS symptoms either. I'm going to give it until Tuesday or Wednesday just in case this is a 34 day cycle before I do a pregnancy test.

I'm really hoping this one worked. If it did, there's an excellent chance that I'll be a mom before my birthday. I'd really like it if that happened, but I'm trying to to stress or dwell on that idea. I know I'll get pregnant in my own time. I'm just going with the flow. Obviously I'd like it to happen sooner than later, but there's no point in stressing out about it just yet.

Monday, September 15, 2008

How girly am I?

I finally got my acrylics filled Saturday night...they were almost 3 weeks overdue and the nail on my left middle finger had broken off. I got glitter tips in silver last time as a safe way to go for my first time, but this time I went a little crazy. HOT PINK with gold glitter. Lol I'm still not quite used to them but they are fun!

Whatcha think? ;-)

~Sent via email on my Samsung Blackjack~

Friday, September 12, 2008

Still sick...

So I went to the doctor again yesterday. i got a stronger antibiotic (augmentin) and a referral to an ENT specialist. My doctor is thinking that I have an undiagnosed allergy that's causing my ear infections.

I barely slept last night because it's hard to lay down on my ears. I'm so freakin tired it's not even funny. I really wish I could have called out today. I'm going to take some codeine tonight so I can sleep and be able to function at work tomorrow. I tried taking some last night, but I was only able to take a 1/2 dose since I didn't get home until about 10:30 or 11 (went to dinner with Jenn and her parents and then went to see M for another insem) and it didn't work.

I've been sick for 2.5 weeks now. It's really pretty rediculous at this point. I've called out sick more in the last 2.5 weeks than I have in the entire last 18 months. I'm so done with this crap.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Cycle 2 part 4

So tonight M is coming over to give us more of the goods. I took another OPK last night and it showed more positive than the last few days. I think this is because, looking back over the year, the pattern for this cycle is going to be 34 days, rather than 27 or 30. The OPKs up until yesterday were very light, but not completely negative. I kind of figured that the medications I've been taking for my sickness was affecting my urine. Apparently I was wrong. Thankfully I let Jenn convince me to take another OPK last night otherwise we'd be screwed for this cycle.

I think tonight's OPK is going to be super dark, indicating that I'll be ovulating within 24 hours. M will be here at 9pm, so hopefully that'll work out for us.

He and his BF are going to Nicaragua on Sunday for 2 weeks. So when they get back, we'll have an answer for them. Hopefully they'll bring us presents! LOL. j/k. I just hope I have good news for them when they get back.

work crap

have you ever been truly miserable in your job? so much so that it kills you a little bit each day that you have to get up and go to work?

yah, i hit that point a while ago, but today hit a new low. i now have a boss that truly doesn't listen to anything i say and, frankly, probably thinks i'm an idiot.

well, he already thinks i'm an idiot for wanting to quit and create a family with jenn. for that he was already on my shit list, but that was on the personal level. professionally, he pretty much gave me a "shut the fuck up and do your job" type of email. i can't work for that type of person.

i already gave my resignation stating my last day is going to be October 15, but i really wish it were sooner. unfortunately it may be longer, but, frankly, i think i'd rather be unemployed those last 2 weeks of october than stay in this shithole of a company.

i'm really kinda glad my friend april didn't get hired here. she'd probably be kicking my ass for getting her into this and making her miserable. lol.

i can honestly say that i think i would be happier had i stayed at public storage. at least there i know that i'm a monkey - i wouldn't have been fed bullshit about people listening to me if i had anything to say. i would have known my place - keep quiet and do your work. they don't lie about it there. and i was never belittled there. i was never made to feel like an idiot.

i wish i stayed at bed bath & beyond. i wish i never went to Shurgard. i wish i never met him. i wish i never fell for him. i wish i never believed his lies. had i done all that, jenn and i would be living a much happier life. and i probably would have had a baby by now. but i wasted 2 years of my life. 2 valuable years that i'll never get back. i've never felt so dumb in my life.

but now i'm determined to get my life in line and never let some stupid man (or anyone else for that matter) make me feel like i'm 2 inches tall. i'm better than that.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Cycle 2

So tonight was try #3 for cycle 2. I really am more positive about this time around than last time. That's kind of funny to say because I've been worried about my cold medicines affecting my chances, but i think I'll be OK.

We tried something new this time. We got Instead Cups to hold the "baby juice" in and right up against my cervix. That's got me thinking more positively, too.

But, this also means that it's, once again, time for the 2 week wait. This is the sucky part. But at least I know pretty much how long I need to wait. Following my cycles from the beginning of the year, this should be a 34 day cycle. Or it could be 27. In any case, I'm not going to rush things and wait until I'm close to that 34 days before I take a pregnancy test. I'm not jumping the gun and disappointing me this time.

What else has me excited is that if I do get preggo this time around, I'll be due exactly on my birthday - my 30th birthday!! My original goal has been to have a baby before I turn 30, so this will be my last chance. If it doesn't take this time, I'll be 30 before I give birth. But it's exciting none-the-less. I mean, seriously, how awesome would that be?? "Happy Birthday - here's your baby!" LOL.

Anyway, that's the update for now. I'll let you know what's happening on this front in about 12 days. ;o)

Saturday, September 6, 2008


I was just thinking I was going to take a "Fruit Loop" bath and wanted to mention something to you. No, I'm not taking a bath in milk and cereal, I'm going to take a bath with a bath bomb and bath melt that smell like fruit loops when combined. LOL. (I know I mentioned it's hot out, but it'll be a cool bath so I can cool down and relax before everyone gets here for the baby making.)

Not long after I moved into San Francisco, I started frequenting a bath & body store called Lush. It's just a few blocks from my house and that has proved to be detrimental to my pocketbook. LOL.

They've got bath bombs, bath melts, bubble bath, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, face wash, etc, and they smell heavenly!! If any of you are into taking baths or using products that are gentler on skin and hair, check this place out. It's a little pricey, but each bath bomb, bubble bar, and melt can be cut up to use in more than one bath.

Cycle 2

So tonight we begin with try #2. I think we'll do an insem tonight, tomorrow, and Sunday to cover all the bases. The OPK was very light last night, so it should be nice and dark today indicating ovulation within the next 24 hours.

I'm worried about this one not taking because I'm so sick. I'm taking Robitussin, Amoxycillian, Mucinex, and Benadryl to get rid of whatever I have (head cold/chest cold/ear infection). I'm worried my body is already so busy trying to fight this that it'll fight off the little spermies, too. But I guess it won't hurt to try.

In other news, it's been hot as blazes around here. It's about 90 degrees here in downtown San Francisco. I know it's hotter up in Sacramento where some of you mamas are. Hell, my parents are probably running their A/C finally in their new house in Concord.

Ok. Totally got distracted - I'm watching Moulin Rouge. LOL. Talk to you guys later!

Friday, September 5, 2008


no, it's not pirate day. i'm frustrated because i can't get well.

I've been sick for 11 days now. it started as a head cold. then it moved to my chest, then it was in both my head and my chest. Now there's a little left in my head and chest, but I have an infection in my left ear and my neck is sore from sleeping funny!!

I emailed my boss at 8:30 last night to tell him I was taking today off. I'm glad I did. I woke up with my eyes glued shut with yuckiness, my neck so stiff i couldn't turn it and my left ear throbbing. I loaded up on meds (benadryl, amoxycillan, mucinex, ibuprofen, and a prenatal vitamin) and am feeling a little better. My neck is more manageable, I can see (obviously), and I can breathe. My ear is the worst right now. But even with that good news, I want to cry because I'm so miserable.

But, thanks to Jenn, I get to stay home and rest. I'm currently watching tv - Inside the Actors Studio. Elton John is on. I love him. After this I think I'm going to watch Almost Famous or Moulin Rouge. I can't decide yet...then again, I could watch both. lol We'll see. But first, I must finish watching Elton John.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Not good

Yesterday was kind of a rough day for me. First off, it was the 11th anniversary of losing my one and only pregnancy. I haven't gotten sad about that for a few years, but I think it hit me kind of hard because I'm now trying for a baby. So because of that, I was already kind of sad.

And then I found out someone close to me was just diagnosed as HIV+. I've known people in the past, and know someone now who is HIV+, but this is someone I call a friend. Someone I truly care for. I am incredibly sad for him. I know he will lead the healthiest life possible and I almost bet he'll outlive me. I know he'll lead an almost perfect life. But to know that he's positive and to know that it will still take a toll on his bod makes me so mad. Not at him, of course, but at the disease. It's such a horrible, horrible disease that's completely incurable. Sure, there are meds out there that will delay the inevitable, but, ultimately, his end will not be a pleasant one.

I have told him that I loved him and that I'm here if he needs anything. He'll still be "uncle" to my babies and he'll still be the most beautiful drag queen I've ever seen. He's still J.

But I want to punch that disease in the mouth.

So now I'm going to do what I can to help fight the disease. I don't have much money, nor will I once I have babies, but I'll definitely see what I can do to volunteer at events or something. And I'll definitely be walking in next year's AIDS Walk (provided I'm not hugely pregnant).

If you have the means or the time, I urge you to do anything to help fund research to find a cure.

If you wear make up, buy MAC's Viva Glam products - all proceeds go towards the MAC AIDS Fund.

If you don't wear make up, but you have time to give, find local fund raising events and show your support.

I'd always donate money to the MAC AIDS Fund when J did charity drag shows (anywhere between $40 and $100), but now that the disease has hit so close to home, I want to take a more active role in finding a cure. Obviously I'm not a scientist so I can't find the cure, but I sure as hell can be vocal and raise awareness. The Lord knows my mouth is big enough. LOL.

Thank you for letting me vent, for reading this, and, hopefully, helping spread the word and not letting people forget about AIDS. You never know who could be diagnosed next.