Yes, it's adult sized. Yes, I want it very badly! I think it'd be so fun to ride around in. I can run to the market and put my bags in the basket in the back. LOL I can just take a leisurely ride and keep my water bottle in the basket. OMG. It'd be so much fun!!
Yes, I know I'm strange. LOL I've accepted it. ;o)
So I'm sitting here, reading The Pioneer Woman's blog (because she's funny as hell! And has the most romantic story of meeting her husband. If you don't know her, go read her blog!) and I have the tv on a Sirius radio station to keep me company (I don't like silence, I always have the tv or a radio on). I've actually been doing this all day, truth be told. I have no life. lol.
Anyway, I'm sitting here and the radio station plays Alanis Morrisette's "Head Over Feet" and the biggest grin comes across my face. My mind is flooded with memories of a simpler time. Memories of a first love. Adventures taken, firsts had. A time when everything was so easy...or so I thought. LOL.
I was with my first boyfriend for a couple months when I was 14, he was 16. It didn't work out, but I was so in love. He was my first kiss! We kept in touch over the years, though I lost a friend because she started dating him (and had a baby with him just a year later, when we were still just 15). They broke up the summer before I was a senior after having been together 2 years. I jumped at my chance to have him, again, as my boyfriend.
We dated from the time I was 17 until I was 21. He was my first everything. We had so many adventures running around San Francisco at all hours of the day and night. We spent a weekend in Monterey. We trucked up and down the 680 freeway every weekend to visit his daughter in San Jose. I almost got us shot once, yelling at another driver in his neighborhood because said driver was holding up traffic and I was impatient. We created, then destroyed, a life. We were young and dumb and did infantile and stupid things. We loved hard and hurt each other harder.
But still, he was my first love. And as badly as he may have destroyed me, he helped form the person I am today. Obviously I miss him, but I don't miss him as my boyfriend. I miss his friendship. He was my best friend for a long time. Even though we've barely spoken for years, I know that if I called him up and said I needed him, he'd come running. We've just grown apart, but that's OK. That's what people do. People grow up and move on with their lives.
Because this song on the tv opened up these flood gates, I sent him an email (well, MySpace message. LOL. I'm not entirely sure I have his most current info to contact him in any other way.) to say hi and that I hope he's doing well. It's been close to a year, at least, since I've talked to him. I shouldn't let things get in the way of just saying hi.
I think my resolve for my 30th birthday is to be a better friend. I don't ever call, text, email, or otherwise contact my friends like I should. So perhaps this is a start to a new, better me - reaching out and saying hello.
LOL that sounds like a phone commercial.
1:45am Edited to add:
And now comes a song that reminds me of Captain Douchebag.
Blue October's Foiled will always remind me of him because it's what I listened to everyday on my commute to and from working with him for months. There are a few fond memories of CD, but this is one person that I will never, ever forgive and become friends with again.
Yes, I was in love with him. Yes, I told him so. And he told me the same. But, for him, it wasn't real. I was used, abused, and tossed aside.
I've never known anyone to be so manipulative, conniving, cold, and evil in my entire life.
So, instead, I choose to redirect my thoughts of him whenever I hear Blue October, to remembering seeing Blue October in concert at The House of Blues at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas, October 2006. That is where I fell in love with this album and band. I remember walking around casinos alone, shopping, and tripping over this concert that still had tickets. I bought 2 of them, floor "seats", so my brother could go with me, not even knowing if he'd actually go. LOL. Thankfully he did. That night, my brother and I drank together for the first time and had an awesome time. That's what I'll remember when I hear Blue October.
I'm not letting Captain DoucheBag ruin my life anymore.
Once again, Aunt Flo has shown up. Ironically enough, it came the night after Riki's baby shower. LOL. Go figure.
So with this next round, I'm going to be a little more aggressive. I haven't been entirely vocal about my wants with this process, so I'm going to grow a backbone. LOL. I'm going to suggest M get his sperm count done and we're going to do more insems. I should be ovulating sometime the week after Palm Sunday (April 5), so I'm going to have us do insems on the Saturday before Palm Sunday, then on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. The 6th is day 15 of my cycle and I've been ovulating on day 15 or day 19...or somewhere in between. So I figure starting on CD13 should give us a good start, then go every other day for a week. That'll definitely increase our chances of getting preggo this month.
I was just realizing last week that this is the first thing I've done where I've gotten repeated failures and haven't just thrown my hands up in the air and given up. I want this so badly, but at the same time I'm just so frustrated that it's way more difficult than I had anticipated. I mean, there's a reason I'm still fat - because it takes too much work to get thin. I don't entirely over eat or eat a lot of junk, I'm just fat. My body works against me to stay this weight (around 250). Seriously. LOL. My body fights weight loss like nobody's business. After I have my babies I'm going to look into getting a gastric band. That'll help me stay active with the babies to help keep them fit as they grow up. They are going to start off in the black, so I have to be proactive (M used to be almost or even over 400 pounds and had gastric bypass surgery a few years ago. He also has diabetes.). I'm already knowing they're going to be in gymnastics, dancing, and outdoor sports. lol.
So that's the plan as it stands for now. As usual, I'll keep you updated. ;o)
so i was without a computer for the last 4 days. i was having serious withdrawl. i'm sure none of you noticed, but i really was gone. LOL.
so, yeah...beer accidently got spilled on the laptop on saturday night and killed the laptop. since then, we've taken the laptop to 2 repair shops who said it wasn't worth fixing. so we grabbed a PC tower that we hadn't used in a couple years to see if we could get that one working. again, we were told it wasn't worth fixing.
so then we pulled my imac up from the basement. that one works...just not with our AT&T dsl modem. lol. i need OS X 10.3 or higher...i only have OS9. poopy.
finally, jenn borrowed her extra computer from the office until we get a new computer in about a month. the cost of one is too much to get out of a single paycheck, so we're going to save half when she gets paid next week, then collect the other half when she gets paid onthe 15th.
we don't do much on the computer except use the internets and itunes, so a big mamma-jamma computer isn't necessary...but we'll find something. probably at costco. lol. the computer i want is a pink one at best buy (i think it's a sony), but it's $1000 and we just don't have that much money. lol. although we could just be a little more patient and wait to get it. i just don't want to keep this computer for too long just in case her boss comes by and wants to know where it is. lol.
but at least i'm on the internets now and i don't have to miss anything more. lol.
There is a bank of double paned windows in our dining area that face the main street we live on. There's 12 in a 4x3 set up. The two in the middle have condensation between the glass. How do I get rid of it? The condensation has been there for about 2 months now - once it got really cold and the rain started. It's annoying and I'd like to have it cleaned up before we have company on Saturday or Sunday. If you have any suggestions, please leave them below!
I sent out invites to a baby shower I'm hosting for a very good friend of mine. One person has RSVP'd to say that she's not coming, but only because the mommy-to-be told her to! People are either RSVPing to the mommy-to-be or to each other. Umm..hello! It's my name and phone number on the RSVP line on the invite. Ugh!
I just sent out a "reminder email" to everyone. It's kind of important because I need to know if I have to run to my dad's house on Friday and pick up extra folding chairs. Food's not an issue because we pre-ordered the cake and deli tray from Costco and they'll feed a bunch of people, but I don't want people sitting on the floor if I'm only prepared for 10 and 17 show up.
Whatever. It's going to be a fun time regardless of who shows up, but given the way things are going, I don't think many people are going to be here for my friend. This is her first baby, she's thinking it may end up being her only baby (given the way her pregnancy has been going, she may not want to be pregnant again anyway. poor thing) and it seems a bunch of her friends can't seem to make time for her. I hope my friends prove to be better than that.
It wasn't too bad. We work in teams of two to change over tables for new products. I was paired with a girl who knows her stuff and we had the task of changing the first table you see when you walk in the store. A little intimidating at first, but we got into the swing of things and finished the table 30 minutes earlier than the time allotted. Not bad for my first day! lol. Once that was done, we moved onto another display to clean it up and fill it. After that, my task was to get all the recyclables together to send back to wherever they go. LOL. The recyclables are any alcohol or oil based products (the perfumes, body sprays, scented oils, hand sanitizers, antibacterial hand soaps, etc.) and they had been piled up under the counter, so I had to pull them out and put them into the return containers (5 gallon buckets with lids, lined with plastic) and write "R" on the front and back of the products. I came home smelling like 15 different fragrances thanks to that job. LOL.
Most of the girls there are way cool. I really kind of felt put off by only one girl, but the rest were pretty cool. I had to remind myself to hold my tongue and not act like a know-it-all with my table partner, though. She was kind of running around like a chicken with her head cutoff sometimes. I just stood by and let her do her thing and I minded my business. lol.
Unfortunately, I don't work again until April 5th. =o( Oh well, it's OK. What I make is just "fun" money, so it's not important that I make massive amounts of money. There is room to grow, so we'll see how that pans out.
Anyway...If you shop at B&BW, there's a huge sale on right now - Buy 3 get 2 free. And the new fragrance is HEAVENLY! It's called Butterfly Flowers (I think. LOL). That's what I helped set up tonight. Go smell it. LOL. You'll like it.
I decided I was going to throw a couple pieces of chicken in the crockpot with BBQ sauce for dinner, so I went into the kitchen and discovered that there wasn't any chicken in the freezer. I knew there was chicken in the deep freezer in the garage, so i wasn't worried. Before heading down there, I checked around to see what I wanted to make as a side. We have frozen corn on the cob, so that was a definite, then I decided to make macaroni salad to have with dinner. I filled up a pot of water, and started putting the dishes from the dishwasher away. Halfway through, I realized I should go get that chicken since it's got to cook a bit longer because it's still frozen (I love that I can throw frozen chicken into the crockpot and it comes out awesome!). I head downstairs while the water is still coming up to a boil, thinking I'll only be a minute. I get into the garage, grab the chicken from the freezer, then decide I want to look for my fabric tote because I feel like being crafty today. So I start moving things around and decide to move all the cardboard boxes onto a pallet that we have so the boxes aren't directly on the concrete. I clear a space for the pallet, then decide I don't really like it there, so I make plans to move it somewhere else. After being downstairs for about 7 or 8 minutes, I realize "Crap! I have a pot boiling on the stove!" and run back upstairs. Everything's fine - the water is finally boiling, so I get the pasta in the water, then find 2 chicken breasts that fit in the crockpot (the bag we get from Costco has the BIGGEST breasts I've ever seen!!), throw some Honey BBQ sauce over the top, set it to low, then finish putting the clean dishes away and reload the washer with dirty dishes. Once the pasta was done, I fixed the dressing, then decided I wanted to put a couple of eggs in the salad, so I throw a couple of those into new water and get them on the stove. Since the kitchen was clean at this point, I sit on the arm of the couch and flip around the TV channels trying to find something. I settled on Homemade with Sandra Lee on the Food Network (geezus, this lady loves her vanilla vodka!) and decided I wanted to write this post. I just now remembered that there are eggs boiling on the stove. LOL. Oops! I just checked them, they're fine. I also noticed that my bag of baby carrots is still on the counter. LOL. (I shredded 2 baby carrots into my dressing for the macaroni salad.)
Geez. I'm just all over the place. After I got back up here and started cooking again, I completely forgot about the garage for about 10 minutes. LOL. I'm such an airhead sometimes. LOL. I can't forget about the damn garage because, at this point, Jenn can't park in it. LOL.
Ok...I'm gonna finish up the eggs and get back to the garage!
So the deeds have been done. We'll find out in 2 weeks. I'm not confident anymore. We'll see what happens, but I'm not holding my breath on this one. If this one doesn't take, we're trying a different ovulation kit than what we've been using. Hopefully we'll find one that's more accurate (I think I mentioned that already).
But I'm sitting here...with the "stuff" in place"...and I'm just feeling very blah. Very down. I know, I know. Don't count my chickens before they're hatched, but after 7 tries, it's hard to stay upbeat.
Miguel did mention that he may get his sperm count tested. I said if this one doesn't take, it'd be a good idea. It's a start - if he's fine, then we know it's either a timing issue, or it's me. But I have been pregnant before, so I know it's possible. But, I was about 60 pounds lighter than I am now, so perhaps that does have something to do with it.
I had grand aspirations to lose some weight before we started this baby making process, but never did. I always find some excuse to not do it. But, just a few minutes ago, I was thinking that I should just set an alarm on my phone to go excersize. I hate excersizing, so I think what I'll do (and I told Jenn this a week or two ago...but, again, I never got around to it) is just put the TV on the music station that has the dance music and dance around like a fool for a half hour or so. LOL It'll get me in a good mood, be fun, and help me maybe lose some weight.
At the very least, I need to get in a good mood and get my blood flowing. Losing weight would just be an added bonus. I just need to tell myself to quit making stupid excuses, that the internets will still be there when I'm done, and the world won't fall apart if I do something for myself.
I got a call from my dad around 12:30 asking if I was at his house or near his house. No, I was at home. He told me the house alarm (that they just activated last week) was going off. I offered to go check it out even though Concord PD was already being dispatched. (The parents are in Las Vegas this week for a bowling tournament that my dad's in.)
I threw on some clothes and ran out of the house - thankfully I have my dad's truck! I raced out there and saw that no one was at the house when I pulled up. The front door was locked, no windows were broken, and the garage was closed. I entered the house and disabled the alarm before walking through the house (even checking closets) to make sure it was empty. I called my dad and let him know. He said my brother suggested Chloe (the dog) set off the motion detection alarm since she was the only one in the house. I agreed since there was nowhere in the house that I found that someone could have entered.
After hanging up with my dad, I went back into the house (I called from the back yard because there's no reception inside the house), when the front door opened. Ack! Thankfully it was just Concord PD. They hadn't gotten there yet (even though it took me 20 minutes after my dad's call to get there), so he was there to check things out. After verifying who I was, I let him know that I found things to be just fine and figured the dog was the culprit.
Since I was there, I took Chloe on a short walk, then took a bath in my parents bathroom. LOL. They have a large oval tub that I covet. Since they were out of town, I was going to do it anyway, so I just did it today (though I may go back on Thursday. LOL). It was very nice!
Anyway...that's my day. LOL. Hope yours was less eventful. ;o)
Oh...here's a pic of my dad's truck that I promised. Isn't it awesome??
Now I have to figure out what's for dinner...I think it's gonna be chicken nuggets and fries...
I never really got a true positive on my OPKs, but we're gonna give it a go tomorrow since today was the darkest the tests have been the last 5 or 6 days. I think I need to change kits. We got the Clear Blue monitor from a friend of Miguel's, but the testing pieces are $50 for a 10 day supply. That's just not in our budget right now. I'll have to look at Walmart and Walgreens for a different type of test than what we've been using next month, if it comes to it.
I just want to hurry up and be pregnant. Now that we're actively trying, every time Aunt Flow shows up, it's heartbreaking. Again, I find myself wishing that I were straight and could just have sex everyday, twice a day until I got pregnant. Then I'd know I did absolutely everything possible and couldn't have missed my ovulation. That would take all the clinical-ness out of it. Or even if Miguel lived closer to us (he's a good 30 - 40 minutes away), I'd see him more often to try more. Unfortunately I feel like he's being inconvenienced by having to come here and give us his sample. There are several months where I asked him to come by a third day in a row and he just didn't show up. I did tell him that I am more than willing to drive out to his house, so I hope he takes me up on that if he's not up to driving out here.
So I'm weird. We all know this, but I just needed to share something.
I really want a station wagon. I want a 70's station wagon. You know, one of those giant boats that are green or tan with a wood panelled racing stripe down the side. The wagons that are, really, the precurser to the Chevy Tahoes of today, only shorter.
One of these:
Come on!! How awesome are these?!?! I would kill to have one. Granted, I'd need to put a new engine and transmission in it, but how freakin fun?!?!
I mean, I've been getting gray hairs for the last 2 years. I don't know exactly how many I have because I've been very good about coloring my hair, but either way...I started getting gray at 28!! And I don't even have kids!
This morning I wake up, laying on my side. I rolled over onto my back and my shoulders make cracking noises. My knee feels funny, so I flex it and it pops. I stretch out and my spine sounds like Rice Krispies.
Then again, all that has been happening for a long time. LOL. Maybe I have a very mild form of Progeria, so my body is aging only twice what it should be instead of 8. LOL.
Ugh. I just hate having such a creaky body. It's weird. Not that I mind being weird, but weird things happen - bones/joints pop when I'm not even trying. Suddenly I can't walk because my knee seizes up or my ankle rolls because all of a sudden it doesn't want to work anymore.
So...to pretend that I'm not old, I'm partaking in ABC Family's Harry Potter marathon today. Plus it's got scenes in the movie that aren't on the DVD or weren't part of the official production (they're extended scenes that aren't even on the DVD!!). And I'll be reading more of Twilight at the same time. Perhaps if I can multitask being a kid, I'll reverse the aging process!!
At least, thank God, I don't look my age. On average, people seem to think I'm still just 24 or 25. That's nice. Cuz I'm not looking forward to saying 30. =o( I've only got 84 days left in my 20's, I have to use that time to my advantage. LOL.
So I have a few blogger buddies that do giveaways on their blogs, but I have yet to enter any of them. Usually I'm not that jazzed about the product they're giving away, or I don't have a way to compete, or I tell myself I will enter later, then forget. LOL.
My dad and brother came by after work today to drop off my dad's truck and have some dinner. My dad has an awesome truck that I'm absolutely in love with. It's an '87 Chevy short bed, step side pick up truck. It's canary yellow. It has Flowmaster exhaust. It's loud. It's awesome!! (I'll take a pic tomorrow!!)
My dad's leaving his truck with me for an indefinite length of time. My parents are going to Vegas for a week starting Saturday for a bowling tournament that my dad's in. Lucky bastards are getting to use my uncle's time share and only have to pay $140 for the whole week!! Anyway, they brought me my dad's truck so that my brother can park in the garage and won't have to worry about moving the truck. (My dad's truck and my brother's car live outside - my mom's Tahoe lives in the garage, but they're driving that to Vegas.) So, in the mean time, I get to drive the truck at my will. Trust me. I'll be taking that baby everywhere I can for as long as I have it!!
At dinner, my dad gave me permission to drive it to Oregon in June when I visit my friend Riki. She's having a baby and asked that I come stay with her after the baby's born. Her parents are going to be there for the first week, then I'll be there for about 10 days. I won't get there very fast, but I'll have a nice, long roadtrip in my favorite vehicle. And we'll save $350 on airfare since I'm no longer flying....then again, I'll spend $150 in gas to get it up there and back, but still..wayyy cheaper!!
I just hope it's not too hot because that truck doesn't have A/C. LOL. And now I really need to get the big iPod for my birthday for the long trip.
Oh...and I dyed my hair finally....after 4 months I no longer have roots! I went dark. Very dark. I'll take pics tomorrow. I can't call myself a redhead anymore. LOL. After 2 years, it's kinda weird, but I'll get used to it. LOL
I'm currently in the middle of the second...or is it the third?...migraine of this week. I was woken up when Jenn was brushing her teeth (for the 3rd time this week) and immediately got a migraine. When the room is too bright, or when I'm shocked awake, I tend to get migraines because of the flood of light. It sucks.
Anyway, because of that I'm going to make this quick so I can get off the computer and just lay down and "watch" tv (really, I'll just listen to it while I have a cool washcloth over my eyes and forehead).
I had my interview with Bath & Body Works yesterday. It's not for a salesperson position. It's a once-a-week to once-a-month position doing display change-overs. It would be Sunday nights, over night, on an as-needed basis. It's something to start with, but we'll see how it goes. I'm supposed to hear by the end of the week, if not Monday or Tuesday (the lady interviewing us is a bit under the weather). It's not a whole lot of money, but it'll be a few bucks in my pocket.
The interview set up was one I've never been in before. It was a group interview with 2 other girls. It was awkward and felt like a competition. The other two girls are in school, still, and need money to pay the bills. They probably won't take it since it's not that much money, but we'll see. But the group interview was awkward. I didn't like it at all. lol.
I'm a recently-turned-30-something-who's-starting-life-over-and-has-no-idea-where-I'm-going-or-what-I'm-doing. This blog has changed its purpose several times in the year or so since I've started it, but it's all just the journey of my life. I don't know where the journey's taking me, but it's an interesting ride.
All thoughts and opinions expressed in this blog are solely mine. I do not represent anyone but myself. I tend to get long winded and very opinionated. I don't mean to offend anyone and, in fact, try to go to great lengths to not offend people, but it's usually unavoidable. My apologies in advance.