Long time no see!

I still don't have internet at my house, so I'm still way behind on everyone's news. I just haven't really had the time or want to set it up yet. I think I'm finally going to AT&T on Sunday to see about getting it set up.

Anyway, life in the new place is pretty awesome. Palo Alto is a beautiful town. The downtown area reminds me so much of Berkeley. The trees change color here! It's been a long time since I've seen that. Even in Antioch, we had evergreens or Palms or something that didn't reflect the changing of the seasons. I am taken aback everyday I go to the bank and drive down the streets lined in yellow, orange, and red trees.

Living alone is nice. My apartment is just 1 bedroom, but I like it that way. There's not as much room to get messy. LOL. Although I do still have about 6 or 7 boxes in my dining area that need to be unpacked. I do have my Christmas decorations up, though! I've got priorities, man! LOL.

Mostly I've been connected to the outside world via Twitter. Occasionally I'm able to get online at Starbucks (like now), or at my parents house, but both are few and far between. In fact, I think this is only the 3rd time I've been online to check email and stuff since I moved down on the 20th of November. It's kind of nice not to be so attached, to be quite honest. LOL.

I've been trying to explore here and there. I found Walmart and Target. I also found a tiny Safeway a couple miles away as well as 2 Trader Joe's. I do have a Mi Puebla grocery store just down the street. I need to go in there and see what Mexican goodies I can find. =o) I'm not too far from Stanford, so I can easily find my way to mix and mingle with the college students. I ran into some 2 nights ago while trying to find a take out place to get dinner. I could definitely pick up a college man while I live here. ;o) I guess that probably makes me a cougar. LOL. Oh well. ;o)

Even when I get my internet access at home, I'm still going to make an effort to get out so I can attempt to make a friend of some kind. Hopefully that won't be too hard. People out here seem really nice. I like that. I'm tired of mean people. LOL.

I'm also looking for a church. It looks like I'll be having Sundays and Mondays as my regular days off, so that'll make it easy for me to go to Sunday Services. A friend of a friend lives one town over and I've asked her advice and help. She's very spiritual and religious, so I'm sure she'll have some insight. I can't really explain my need to find church, but it's there and I need to do it. The good thing is that there are about 15 churches in Downtown Palo Alto. LOL. I think I've found one I liked (online research) and need to work up the courage to go on Sunday. We'll see how that goes.

Anyway...I've been here over an hour now and need to get home and have some dinner. Hope you're all doing well! I'll catch up with you all very soon.

I finally went to church.

Over the past weekend, Jenn's family was having a reunion at her grandparents' house not too far from here. We missed most of Saturday's events because Jenn was at work, but we made it for dinner and swimming. It was fun to meet more of her family..there's a lot of them! LOL.

Sunday morning was church, then breakfast, then more swimming. Breakfast was awesome, swimming was fun (not as many kids in the pool!), but church was a real experience.

We went to the family church (St. Francis) for our service. Jenn's family has a lot of history there - her mother's father (which, btw, is not the family that was having the reunion, that was her dad's family) painted most of the paintings inside the church, including the giant cross that sits behind the altar. Her dad's family has been going there for 50+ years. All of her aunts, uncles, and cousins were baptized there, and quite a few have been married there.

I was very overwhelmed and almost overstimulated with emotions that I couldn't define. There was electricity running through my veins. I very nearly cried several times because I felt so full of...something...God's love, perhaps. But I definitely didn't feel out of place.

Jenn had been on board for the church trip for the last few weeks, but had changed her mind on Saturday, but agreed to go when I said I'd still like to attend mass. I was glad. It opened up a (short) dialogue about my wanting to continue attending church. She said she wouldn't mind going back to church either (and neither would our friend Cole), but none of us would like to go to a Catholic church. We were all raised in the Catholic church and don't agree with its teachings and doctrines. We all come from places where we feel, in one way or another, persecuted and abused by the Catholic Church.

I found a Presbyterian church in Pittsburg that I have been wanting to check out for months. I think now I'll finally be able to do it. I almost chickened out Sunday morning, but pulled it together and I'm so glad I went. I think now that I've broken the ice, I can continue going. But, especially since I've never been to this church before, I'll have to get Jenn up and drag her to mass again. LOL. I'll bribe her with McDonald's on the way. LOL.

In any case, I just wanted to share that I'm glad I went and I think this is going to help me in the long run. I hope I'm not setting myself up for disappointment by saying this, but I think this is going to give me some real direction for my life. I've been feeling lost for a long time, so perhaps this will help me get on the right path for my life.

I'll keep ya updated. ;o)

Baby making news - and a sign from God?

So Miguel responded back. He apologized for not calling when he's not coming over or going out of town. He's gonna make a better attempt at letting me know what's going on with him via email if he can't call or whatever. He agrees that a break will be good for all of us - so we can recharge. He also said that he'd pitch in for the fertility monitor pee sticks for the Clear Blue Ovulation Monitor and that he'd help us out with the insems. He's a nurse, so it wouldn't be that weird. LOL.

He's still very much wanting to do this, I think he's just naturally kind of flighty and isn't changing his mind about having a baby with me. I'm glad for that. When we come back to start doing this again, we'll have a much better idea for what we're in for and be able to, i think (and hope), have a more successful outcome.

Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement during these last few months. I've greatly appreciated it.

************

A friend of mine came down from Sacramento to have coffee. While we were sitting out front of Starbucks, we were approached by a guy who said he was on a scavenger hunt. He's in town on a church mission thing from Redding and said that God told him that there was someone on the porch of Starbucks, with tattoos, that he needed to speak with. My friend, his friend that came down with him, and myself all have tattoos. The street minister had actually written it down on a paper and showed it to us. It was freaky. Specifically, the tattoo was of a cross. All 3 of us had crosses. Where the guy was coming from, he couldn't have seen any of those tattoos. My friend's and mine were actually 90% covered by clothing.

In any case, he talked to with my friend about ministering (my friend had done it for a short time with a church youth group in Sacramento a few years ago), and then asked if he could pray for us in anyway or lay a blessing on us. We allowed. I didn't really say much, just let him speak and took everything in. As he laid his blessing on us, I asked for God's help in having a baby. I also prayed for guidance in my life. It's not something I normally would have done, but I honestly felt that this guy really was sent to us for help.

I've struggled with religion, and with faith, for a long time. I went to Catholic school from the 6th grade through HS Graduation. Even as a small child, attending CCD classes on Saturdays, I had issues with the Catholic Church. I've always found so many contradictions in Catholicism that I couldn't honestly get behind it. Once, in my early 20's, I attended a Methodist turned non-denominational church in San Francisco. The difference between this church and the Catholic Church was like night and day. In the Catholic Church, all I was ever told was that I was a sinner and I'd go to hell if I didn't follow the bible to the T. But since I had found so many contradictions, I couldn't ever feel like I could live up to these standards. I was tired of being told I was wrong about everything I believed in. And then I found this church that a friend took me to once and I felt, for the first time in my life, that God was all around and that He loved me unconditionally. At this church, there was no mention of sinners or hell, it was all about Love and Faith. It was a truly uplifting experience.

I wanted to go back, but I never did. I always made excuses - the biggest being that I was afraid of what others (my friends) might think if I just decided to go to church. Honestly, I even feel like I shouldn't go to church. It's the Catholic guilt - I live a homosexual lifestyle, I'm an adulterer (several times over) - I don't know that I belong in church. None of my friends are church going people. The only person I know that goes to Church is Jenn's mom and that's a very conservative Church. I would definitely not be or feel welcome there (nor am I even sure that her mom would be willing to take me there). Maybe I should look them up in the phone book and go to different Sunday services until I find the right one.

I've said in an earlier post that I feel lost. I think today was a sign that even though I'm lost, someone's still looking out for me and I think that I need to look back. I just feel like I need to do something. I'm tired of being afraid.

large families

I just have to get this off my chest...I saw 2 articles today about families that are extremely large and still growing. One was about the Duggars from Arkansas. They just announced that baby #18 is on the way. Then there was an article on SFGate.com about a Canadian couple (who emigrated from Romania) who just welcomed their 18th child.

Frankly, I think if these people are able to take care of their children and raise them without government help or strain on anyone outside their family, then good for them. No one has the right to tell them they can't have that many kids.

Unfortunately, all I seem to find are comments calling these people breeders (I detest that term, btw) and saying they're awful people for having so many children. One person on the SFGate site even said that abortions should be mandatory after you have 2 children. There is so much disgusting hate in those comments that I had to stop reading.

I don't understand why childfree people have to push their agenda on those of us who want kids. Why does my want for 2 or 3 kids make me a breeder and an evil person for bringing new life onto our "over populated" planet? It's no one else's business how many children I have if I even have any UNLESS I am on public assistance. If these people with a gaggle of children were on welfare, I'd jump on the bandwagon and say they needed to be stopped. But the Duggars are 100% debt free and don't take hand outs.

It makes me so flippin mad when people are so hateful - especially against people or subjects that are close to my heart. Having children is one of those things. Immigration is one of those things (I'm pro-immigration and making things easier for people to come to this country). Gay Marriage is one of those things (I'm all for it. Consenting adults should have the right to marry whomever they love.). But even when things aren't directly related to me, I don't understand how badly people hate.

And I really don't understand those people who hide their hate behind religion - like Fred Phelps and his gang. They use their religion to promote hate. They say God Hates ____(fill in the blank, they've got lots of them). But isn't God supposed to be All Loving? Aren't we all Children Of God? Didn't he create us to be reflections of himself? This is why I have issue with organized religion - I don't want to be grouped in with these hate mongers.

Ugh. Ok. I need to stop. I could really go on forever, but my blood pressure has come down enough for me to function again. LOL.