Saturday, April 25, 2009

Baby making news - and a sign from God?

So Miguel responded back. He apologized for not calling when he's not coming over or going out of town. He's gonna make a better attempt at letting me know what's going on with him via email if he can't call or whatever. He agrees that a break will be good for all of us - so we can recharge. He also said that he'd pitch in for the fertility monitor pee sticks for the Clear Blue Ovulation Monitor and that he'd help us out with the insems. He's a nurse, so it wouldn't be that weird. LOL.

He's still very much wanting to do this, I think he's just naturally kind of flighty and isn't changing his mind about having a baby with me. I'm glad for that. When we come back to start doing this again, we'll have a much better idea for what we're in for and be able to, i think (and hope), have a more successful outcome.

Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement during these last few months. I've greatly appreciated it.


A friend of mine came down from Sacramento to have coffee. While we were sitting out front of Starbucks, we were approached by a guy who said he was on a scavenger hunt. He's in town on a church mission thing from Redding and said that God told him that there was someone on the porch of Starbucks, with tattoos, that he needed to speak with. My friend, his friend that came down with him, and myself all have tattoos. The street minister had actually written it down on a paper and showed it to us. It was freaky. Specifically, the tattoo was of a cross. All 3 of us had crosses. Where the guy was coming from, he couldn't have seen any of those tattoos. My friend's and mine were actually 90% covered by clothing.

In any case, he talked to with my friend about ministering (my friend had done it for a short time with a church youth group in Sacramento a few years ago), and then asked if he could pray for us in anyway or lay a blessing on us. We allowed. I didn't really say much, just let him speak and took everything in. As he laid his blessing on us, I asked for God's help in having a baby. I also prayed for guidance in my life. It's not something I normally would have done, but I honestly felt that this guy really was sent to us for help.

I've struggled with religion, and with faith, for a long time. I went to Catholic school from the 6th grade through HS Graduation. Even as a small child, attending CCD classes on Saturdays, I had issues with the Catholic Church. I've always found so many contradictions in Catholicism that I couldn't honestly get behind it. Once, in my early 20's, I attended a Methodist turned non-denominational church in San Francisco. The difference between this church and the Catholic Church was like night and day. In the Catholic Church, all I was ever told was that I was a sinner and I'd go to hell if I didn't follow the bible to the T. But since I had found so many contradictions, I couldn't ever feel like I could live up to these standards. I was tired of being told I was wrong about everything I believed in. And then I found this church that a friend took me to once and I felt, for the first time in my life, that God was all around and that He loved me unconditionally. At this church, there was no mention of sinners or hell, it was all about Love and Faith. It was a truly uplifting experience.

I wanted to go back, but I never did. I always made excuses - the biggest being that I was afraid of what others (my friends) might think if I just decided to go to church. Honestly, I even feel like I shouldn't go to church. It's the Catholic guilt - I live a homosexual lifestyle, I'm an adulterer (several times over) - I don't know that I belong in church. None of my friends are church going people. The only person I know that goes to Church is Jenn's mom and that's a very conservative Church. I would definitely not be or feel welcome there (nor am I even sure that her mom would be willing to take me there). Maybe I should look them up in the phone book and go to different Sunday services until I find the right one.

I've said in an earlier post that I feel lost. I think today was a sign that even though I'm lost, someone's still looking out for me and I think that I need to look back. I just feel like I need to do something. I'm tired of being afraid.


Anonymous said...

Let me ask you a question, are all your friends homosexual? If no; you still have chosen that lifestyle and it looks like your friends still accept you. Well be different from your friends and attend church. You obviously have it in you to know it is OK to be different.

To my understanding at Catholic churches you are told how you have to be, what prayers you have to pray... It is kind of like a dictatorship. I have even been told you have to pay to go to a Catholic church. Never feel obligated to put money in an offering bag that might go by. I was blown away by a friend that asked how much it cost to go to my church. (She wanted to try a church I was attending instead of the Catholic church she was attending.) I urge you to put your Catholic experiences behind you and try a non-denomination church. God works in mysterious ways; you yourself have experienced that at Starbucks. And don't let past sins that bother you stop you from attending. God is a very forgiving God if we just ask Him for forgiveness. And you do not need a mediator such as in the confession booths to reach God. He is the only one that can forgive. Sorry if I am rambling, I hope I do not offend or turn off you or any of your readers.

Before you go to bed at night give all of your cares and worries to God, He'll be up all night anyways!

Stacey said...


Yes, the vast majority of my friends are non-religious homosexuals. This is where I get nervous going to church. Mocking God and Jesus and all Christian churches is commonplace amongst my friends. It's only been in recent months that I've felt the urge to get closer to God and re-enter a non-Catholic church. I found one near my house that's Presbyterian and openly accepts the LGBT community, now I just need to work up the courage to get up and go.