So Miguel didn't come over on Thursday. He didn't even text me until around 9pm to tell me that he had thrown out his back and had been at home in bed all day. He said he might try to come by on Friday before Jenn and I went out of town, but he never called. I didn't call him when we got home yesterday because a) I was tired from driving home from Oregon, and 2) I'm a little mad at him. So February is a total bust.
The reason I'm mad is because I don't believe that he did hurt his back last week. I think he had other things to do and didn't want to come by. Last month, I was waiting for him to come by after he got off work at 2:30...since he should have been at my house by 3:30, I finally texted him around 4pm asking if he was still coming over or if he was stuck in traffic or whatever. He texted me back and said traffic was really bad. He finally got to the house around 5:30 with his BF and 2 other friends in a second car. It was then explained to me that Miguel's friend had called and asked him to help him move - that was the real reason Miguel was late. He was supposed to come back the next day to do a 3rd insem and he just didn't show up.
I honestly don't know what to do. Part of me thinks that he's just as frustrated as I am about not getting pregnant yet. I think he's frustrated with having to come out here all the time, but I am more than willing to go to his house, too. He just seems to prefer coming here. This really is just a window into the future, I know that. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when we have kids and we make an agreement for Miguel to come by and see the babies and he changes his mind or he gets sidetracked. It worries me. He's supposed to be a 3rd parent, not just a sperm donor.
I'm really kind of at a loss right now. I'm going to take the rest of this month to think about if this really is the best thing for all of our situations. Honestly, Miguel is the only way I can get pregnant right now and I have no idea how long it would take to find someone else (who would be just a donor, not Daddy) or how much money it would end up costing us. We are far from rich, but I'd have to get a full time job with insurance before even thinking about going that route.
Ugh. This sucks.
Chicken with Lemon & Capers
3 hours ago