Monday, February 16, 2009


So Jenn and I were watching Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations tonight. He was in the Philipines this time. I was really excited to see this one because I am 1/8 Filipino and like to explore all aspects of my heritage. Well, explore isn't the right word - I like to find out new things about my heritage when I can.

It made me wish that I had known any of my Filipino family so that I could go to the Philipines and explore the non-touristy parts of the country. Unfortunately, I don't know of any of the Filipinos in my family. (My maternal grandmother's father came from the Philipines).

I also wish that I knew my mom's Mexican family better. As a kid, we went to Stockton all the time to spend time with my mom's immediate family (my maternal great grandmother, my great aunt and second cousins), but we didn't know my mom's cousins from her dad's side of the family. From what I understand both my great grandmother and my grandfather emigrated here from Mexico and still have family there. Unfortunately, because my mom's so anti-social, I never knew that side of her family. Because of this, I don't know my family that is still in Mexico.

I mean, on my mom's dad's side of the family, there are like 30 cousins in my mom's generation. I probably have somewhere between 30 and 100 cousins just in the states alone!

Jeezus, my mom has a baby brother (he's only about 6 or 7 years older than me) that I didn't even know about until a few years ago!! Sure, she might be bitter because he's from a different mother, but he's still her brother! She doesn't even talk to him! My aunt Kathleen has a relationship with him at least - she's hosted him out here a few times and has flown to Germany to visit him (that's where he grew up - his mom moved back there with him after my grandfather died, I think).

My dad cut off his family for somewhat good reason, but my mom, as far as I know, has no good excuse!

I feel dumb wanting to try to insert myself into this other family that I have now that I'm almost 30. How do I do it? Do I really want to do it? Will they accept me if I did do it? All I know is that I'm not going to do that to my kids. My kids will know all of their families and will get to know their Nicaraguan family, too (that's where Miguel is from). My kids aren't going to be alienated from their blood relatives, and even those that aren't blood related (Jenn's family).

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm never going to become my mother.

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