Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Cycle 10

So I made the executive decision to skip May's cycle so I could have a break from the stress. Unfortunately because of my scheduled trip to see my friend Riki in Oregon (who gave birth to my niece last night!!!), I'm missing the June cycle by about 2 days. Ultimately I think this break is a good thing, but I feel so down in the dumps about it.

My friend Ashley gave birth to her 3rd baby (but first daughter) 5 months ago. Riki had her daughter last night. A triplet mommy who's blog I read is going to give birth to her surprise baby #4 this Friday, I believe. And another triplet mommy who also has an older child just found out she's preggo with her surprise baby #5. While I'm so incredibly happy for all of these women, I can't help but be incredibly jealous at the same time.

When I come back from Oregon and we try in July, that'll be our first anniversary of trying to conceive. I really hope that I do get pregnant by the end of the year. Past that, I know that I'll have to start seeing doctors and such to make sure nothing's wrong, but I'm incredibly frightened that something is wrong. Then again, I really think that I may have had a miscarriage last month - there was tissue I discharged that just didn't look normal. So that may be a positive sign. Who knows.

All I know is that patience is not a virtue I have.

Edited to add: I just remembered...2 old high school friends that I've reconnected with through Facebook are currently pregnant. Ugh! Again, happy for them, but why can't it be me?!?! :::shakes fist in the air:::

1 comment:

Helene said...

Stacey, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know what you mean about being happy for friends who are pregnant but being jealous. I felt the same way for so long. I'd smile and say congratulations and then home and have a good cry. I just wanted it to be ME finally with the good news.

Hang in there...