::deep breaths::

I've calmed down a lot since yesterday. I'm still very hurt and angry at my parents, but I'm not depressed and suicidal. I was really distraught yesterday.

is right - finding out that information doesn't change who I am. It doesn't change much now I think of my parents either. I already knew they were liars. I think part of me was also hurt because the image I had in my head of my grandfather was shattered.

But finding out about his death and his life, it made me realize why I am the way I am (with depression) and how my aunt came to be a drug user herself. And maybe why my dad has always said that suicide is not a way out. And why my dad is so against drugs.

I think I was also just upset because it's yet more lies that are piled on top of other lies and I'm sick and tired of them not telling me the truths about things.

I do plan on confronting them. Perhaps not next week at Christmas, but another time. I think I deserve some honest answers.

Sorry if I freaked anyone out last night. A good night's sleep and some retail therapy did me some good.