Worst Christmas Eve Ever

I am seriously sitting here in tears because I've had such a sucky day and night.

A manager that I work with have never gotten along and she really pissed me off tonight. She's the most condescending person I've ever known, not to mention one of the laziest people I've ever worked with and today was no exception. I wanted to slap her.

I was already on edge because I'm having to spend the night alone. I've never been alone for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning before. Ever. In my entire life. I was already depressed about that, but I guess it's part of growing up, right? Realizing that you're not as important as you think you are to people. Sure, I could have slept on my parents couch, but which is more lame - being alone at home or sleeping on your mom's couch? Honestly, I chose quiet depression over the alternative that may have been better for my mental state.

And then, a present I was given by another coworker went missing. I'm 99% sure I know who took it, but what am I to do? I just let it go. There was a spare that this coworker had gotten (she counted an extra person by mistake), so I took the extra. They were all the same thing, so it's not like it was something I'm missing by taking the extra gift, but the fact is that mine and the spare were in 2 separate places and should never have been mixed up, for one. Secondly, the person I'm sure took it had a gift of her own, so why would she take that plus the extra?? That's just being greedy and rude.

I seriously feel like people have been out to break me for some time. They've finally succeeded, so congratulations to them.

Now do you see why I hate people?


Dear God,
Make me a bird
so I can fly far
far far away from here.

Double Standards

Why is it ok to have sex with a fat woman, but it's so not cool to date one?

Why are fat women hidden away in hotel rooms and their own homes? What is so wrong with walking down the street with a Big Beautiful Woman on your arm?

This is the worst part of being single for me - trying to date and only finding men who are willing to sleep with me, but not be seen with me out in public. It's absolutely disgusting and hurtful. It's OK for guys to be fat. Hell, fat guys date skinny women all the time, but God forbid a fat woman wants to date anyone, much less a skinny guy.

It's really exhausting sorting through anyone who dares email me from a dating site, because I don't know what his intentions may be.

Yes, I realize that thinner women may have similar problems, but at least men aren't ashamed to have a woman who wears double-digit sizes sit at their dinner table in a restaurant.

Ugh. In short, dating sucks!

Christmastime

I love Christmastime. While I say that Halloween is my favorite holiday, Christmastime (starting Black Friday and ending on Christmas day) is my favorite time of year. There's something magical in the air. There's the twinkling lights and dressed up trees. Scarves and knit hats. Mittens. Galoshes (I still need to get me a pair of those!). And, most importantly, Santa.

While I was at work today, I had to fix a window display that I broke last night. LOL. We have large-bulbed Christmas lights in our front windows, framing the marketing behind the glass. As we were walking out of the door last night, I knocked a part of the marketing over and broke a bulb in the string of lights. The entire time I was working on fixing (and eventually replacing) the string, I watched people take their kids to see Santa in our mall.

Santa's photo set up is right outside my store, so I see Santa everyday that I work (since November 1st, or sometime soon after that). Often, he sees me coming down the hall and waves at me. It totally makes my day. I love Santa. I believe in the magic of Santa. And today I witnessed the magic of Santa.

I saw a grown man with special needs go up to Santa, sit on his lap, and talk to him for a good 10 minutes. Not once did I ever see a hint of annoyance or any sort of negativity in Santa's face. Santa was engaged and shared this man's excitement for whatever they were talking about. It very nearly made me a blubbering mess right there in the front window of our store. I'm tearing up just remembering what I saw. It was really the most awesome thing I had seen in quite a long time.

As we enter adolescence, we are encouraged to stop believing in magic and these mythical characters of our childhood. Santa. The Tooth Fairy. The Easter Bunny. I'm still not sure about the Easter Bunny, and I know that my mom was the Tooth Fairy because I found my baby teeth when I was a teenager, but I still believe in Santa. I saw him work his magic today, so I know he's real.

Happy Christmastime, everyone. I hope you all get to see some magic of your own.