Crazy weather we're having!

So by now I'm sure everyone knows what crazy weather we Californians have been having lately. Last week it snowed in SoCal, the rain hasn't let up in about 10 days, and there have been tornado warnings in the SF Bay Area!! Yesterday or the day before, there was a warning for Santa Clara County (the South Bay), and today, RIGHT NOW, there's a warning for Contra Costa County (the East Bay) near Discovery Bay...that's about 10 miles from my house!

Just a half hour ago, there was a torrential downpour of hail. It lasted almost 10 minutes. By the time it was over, it looked like it had snowed. Here, I'll show you:





There are a few more on Facebook if you have me friended over there.

Seriously, this is insane weather!

The rain and hail has stopped and the sun is even daring to peek out from behind the clouds right now. There are still dark clouds out, so I wouldn't be surprised if it's raining again within the hour.

But, seriously! A tornado warning?!?! We don't even have basements in California, so how are we supposed to hide from a tornado? LOL. Especially those of us who live in upstairs apartments. LOL

Doing some good

So last week I had decided I was going to do the Susan G Komen 3-Day for the Cure 60-Mile walk.

In the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti and donating what money I could at the moment, I started thinking about who else I could be helping by donating my money and time. I decided that rather than be a fundraiser for myself for the Komen walk, I'll be a volunteer for the cause and donate money to someone who is walking. I decided to also volunteer for the SF AIDS Walk this summer and donate my money to my friend Jimmy should he walk it again (he did it last year and the year before). I'm also going to be looking for ways to donate my time on a weekly or monthly basis since I think my free time could be better appreciated by me helping someone else than sitting on my butt playing around on Facebook.

I'm also committing myself to donate 10% of my income to charity. Currently that's only going to be $100, but every little bit helps, right? I figure I can give up my Starbucks a couple times a week and, instead, give that money to someone who could really use it. As broke as I may feel, there are people out there who are literally starving to death and my $2.65 could go to someone and feed them for a whole week.

Stupid

For all the lying, conniving, deceiving, horrible things Kraig said and did to me, I do have to commend him for one thing. I've never felt more beautiful or felt such passion from anyone before or after him. Yes, he was a dog. He is a dog. But I know he was in love with me - you always know when someone is in love with you because you can see it in their eyes - and he let me know everyday that he loved me.

I hate that the person who, in the end, treated me the worst made me feel the best of anyone I've ever been with.

That's just another testimony to how badly I can pick them. LOL.

I just don't know

Can I ask a question?

What's the point in making your own baby food and breastfeeding your child if you're going to turn around and give that same baby a sucker filled with refined sugar and dyes?

I understand people slip when they're trying to feed their children organically and healthily - sometimes you give them a treat of chocolate or a cookie...but a freaking sucker?? That most likely has Red Dye #40 in it?

Yes, I know you can't control what goes into your kids' mouth 100% of the time, but you can't explain away photos of your 8 month old with a sucker in her mouth. And above the sugar and dye you are giving your child, this sucker is on a stick! It's dangerous to give a small child a sucker. That child could fall and that sucker can get shoved right down his or her throat.

I realize that I am not a parent yet, but I think like one. Yes, I know that parents are always very well intentioned but when you're in the moment with a child, you make decisions you never thought you'd make, but giving a small, tiny child a sucker is just a poor decision all around.

Hate me all you want for this opinion, but it's just that - my opinion.

Let's get it on

Proceed with Caution: This post is about sex and will probably contain a good amount of TMI and cursing.

Over the last few days I have begun to really miss sex. As one of only 2 species on earth, humans have sex for pleasure and I have definitely taken part in a lot of it in my 13 years of being sexually active. I've had long dry spells where I didn't have sex for months. I've had relationships where I had sex almost everyday of the week and even multiple times a day.

Generally, when I'm not in a relationship and not having sex, I don't miss it. However, I'm really missing it right now. LOL. Specifically, though, I'm missing being made love to, I'm not just missing the act of sex. I'm missing that close connection with the person I'm with - that person looking in my eyes while we are pressed together, skin to skin. Missing that person holding me close, gently, kissing me softly.

I guess I miss being loved.

I'm trying to find someone to date and everywhere I look, I would have no problem finding someone to be a fuck buddy or friend with benefits, but that's not what I want.

As huge a dick as he can be, I miss being with Captain Douchebag because he made love to me. Yes, we had a lot of sex, but 90% of it was making love, not just fucking. I miss that. I miss it so badly right now. He made me feel safe and secure even though I outweighed him by 100 pounds. Even though he lied through his teeth and cheated on his girlfriend to be with me, I felt like such a princess with him. Even just being hugged by him, totally unsexual in any way, I felt like there wasn't a care in the world.

I guess this isn't really about sex afterall, is it? Once again, it's just me complaining about how I pick men who love me a whole big bunch, but treat me like shit and I miss them so badly. But this is the thing - I don't miss Captain douchebag. I miss the way he loved me. I miss the passion we had. I miss passion! I miss love! I miss someone loving me! I miss loving someone! I really, honestly feel like I'm never going to have that again.

I keep watching people around me fall in love, get engaged, have babies, have happy lives while I feel like my life is stagnant. I feel like I'm drowning in sorrow and depression every minute of every day.

Most of the time I feel very good about myself - very confident. It's taken me a lot to get here, but I am here. Physically I feel good, attractive, hot. Yet I still seek approval of men. WTF is that about? Or maybe I'm not seeking approval, maybe I'm just in love with the idea of being in love? Is that it? I have no idea.

All I know is that I need someone to make me feel good in that physical way right now...and maybe the rest will follow.

Or am I doing that backwards? LOL