The Blame Game

I'm used to being the bad guy. Sometimes it really is my fault, sometimes I just don't argue and take the fall. Either way, I generally just accept the blame for whatever fight or argument or whatever happened so that there's no fighting. I hate fighting. But someone always needs to play the blame game.

Jenn and I know the truth - there's no one to blame. Things just didn't work the way we wanted them to, so we're taking measures to create our own happiness and truly discover who we are as individuals. There's nothing bad there, right? No. We're still friends. We're still living in the same home. We're still incredibly supportive of each other.

But I get the feeling that people may be angry with me. But that's just fine. Well, no, I wish they weren't mad at me. I don't like people mad at me, but I don't like to fight or argue, so I'm just leaving it be. Things will blow over and be fine like they always are. And if they're not, I suppose I know where loyalties lay and I know who my friends truly are.

All I know is that I'm too old for this bullshit. I'm moving on. I hope everyone else does, too.

I'm so weird...but we already knew that.

I anticipate getting sick. Not vomiting sick. Not fever sick. I just want a cold. LOL.

Well, I think I want one until I actually have one, then I'm miserable. LOL. I just anticipate getting one and am actually disappointed when I don't get a cold.

I'm so weird.

On the work front...

So I've been having a real good time at Bath & Body Works. It's an incredibly fun place to work. I love everyone that I work with (save 3 exceptions). I love our products. I love that the company is very Woman-centric. I love that we sponsor a family or a women's shelter during the holidays. I love that we make people happy.

What I don't love is having to work for someone that I believe has a drug problem. We have a new co-manager who has a lot of personal problems and tells us about them. First, I think that's highly inappropriate for her to talk about to any of us. Secondly, she shouldn't be bringing her issues into work, manager or not. On Saturday morning I worked with her and quickly realized she was high as a kite. 3 weeks ago, I opened with her and she was in the back office crying and telling me about her personal issues and how she passed out the night before after taking too many Tylenol on an empty stomach. Later that day, she gave 2 different versions of her story to other coworkers. Saturday morning, I'm pretty sure she was either on Oxy, heroin, methadone or crack. They all have similar looking highs - slowed speech, slow blinking, slurring, balance issues. They're narcotic highs. I saw them all when I worked in San Francisco. The closing manager, who came in close to the end of my shift, saw it, too.

In short, our store manager is aware, has already called HR, and has put everyone on alert to watch for the signs of drug use while on the clock. None of us like the co-manager. She's too ghetto to be a manager. She doesn't speak proper English. She's not a self-starter (she waits to be told what to do or ask someone who's doing work if she can help). She's insincere with her praise and compliments. I think we're all just waiting for her to fail.

It's hard, but we just have to be patient. I have no doubt that she's going to screw up and get herself fired.

In GOOD work news, my store manager told me today that she's working on a plan to get me more advanced in the company. Yay! This will help get me more hours and have some real sense of responsibility. This excites me! Maybe if the co-manager gets fired, I can sneak up and take that place. The 2 sales leads we currently have can't take that position, so maybe I can jump up there and take it. I've actually had a couple of coworkers ask why I'm not a manager or sales lead. LOL. I've had a couple of new people assume I was a manager of some kind. LOL. I guess I still carry myself that way, but I know these people have always seen me work my butt off and kind of take charge. It's just in my attitude when I'm at work. I'm far from lazy or passive when I'm at work.

Also, since I am still just part time at work, I am looking for something else that is part time - just to help out at least through Christmas. Full time work just isn't panning out, so I'll take what I can get. Last night, at 12:30am, I responded to a Craigslist ad for an assistant at a daycare. I think I'm crazy. LOL. Why would I do that?? I don't like other peoples kids!! Oh well, whatever. I get to play with babies. We'll see if that comes through. It's just a daycare, not a preschool, so I don't need ECE credits, thankfully. I can't try taking that class again. LOL.

So that's the news on the work front. When/If things change, you'll be the first to know. ;o)

Flash Mob

Best Flash Mob EVER!!! This includes the Sound of Music one I posted a few months ago.

Taking Control

I'm sure I've mentioned this many times before, but I'm seriously tired of feeling like I'm not in control of my life. I go through the motions of every day, but I rarely feel as though I've lived my day. I just exist. I'm tired of just existing. I really want to start living.

Over on Facebook, I've rediscovered old high school friends and see that all these people that I entered adulthood with have lived so much better lives than I have. No, I'm not trying to compete, I'm absolutely jealous. These people seem to have just done what they wanted and have lived happy lives. I know that everyone has times that are not as great as others, but my rough spot has lasted for years and years.

Now that I'm 30 years old, I can't allow this to continue. I'm not getting any younger here.

Yes, this goes back to that procrastination issue I posted about a week and a half ago. Yes, procrastination got the better of me and I still have yet to get on that damn elliptical. But, in my defense, all last week, temps were near or over 100 degrees and my garage isn't air conditioned. Also, I got pretty beat up at work and ran myself until I was sick. Not so good.

So now begins another week and I'm going to get started on getting myself a little healthier.

I'm also going to try a little harder to find a full time job. I need to do this for me. I thought I'd like staying home and not working or only working part time, but I hate having to ask for money or asking to spend money. I'm a grown adult, I shouldn't have to do this. I want to be free to spend my money how I want to spend it.

Speaking of spending money, I've come across quite a few plus-size fashion blogs (Young, Fat & Fabulous, Fatshionable, Big Gurl Fashion, and Five Favorite Things). These are blogs of average plus sized women who have found great ways and great places to dress their bodies. I want to be more fashionable. It's not that I have bad taste in clothing, I just want to have more of an edge and wear more than just ribbed tank tops and jeans. I also want to learn to wear heels again. LOL. It's been so long since I wore heels on a regular basis, but I really like heeled shoes. It'll help with my coordination, too. LOL.

But I'm getting side tracked (as usual). I want to take control of my life. I want to be selfish. I don't want other people calling the shots. I don't want to be told what my plans are. I want to make my own plans. I want to do my own thing. Being a people pleaser has gotten me in this situation and it hasn't made me happy.

I'm taking control. I'm going to make myself happy.

Rockin The Beer Gut

Just saw this on CMT. Hooray for girls with a little extra love around their waist!!

Breeders

Ugh. Why do people even care that Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 19th child? Why do people wish she would die or that her uterus falls out every time she gets pregnant? Why is it your business?

The Duggars aren't using government resources to raise their children. They make their own money (apart from their TV show) and aren't in debt. Everything they have they own outright. The Duggars are raising their children to be upstanding citizens. In all the shows I've ever seen, I've only seen the children under 3 years old throw tantrums and that's because they're too young to reason with. They're not raising Bebe's kids. And, they're not even using your tax dollars to educate their children - they homeschool!

Yes, having that children might seem excessive, but obviously Jim Bob and Michelle are still in love after 20+ years of marriage and enjoy doing it all the time. The result of this is babies. Good for them!! Not many of us are as lucky!


I made a similar post last year when they announced their pregnancy for baby #18 and I'll make this post every time she gets pregnant.

Let's all direct our anger towards Welfare moms who continue having babies and are bleeding the system dry! Let's direct our anger towards parents who don't parent their children - letting them run wild in the streets and disrespect everyone they come in contact with. Let's direct our anger towards those who deserve it!